Loneliness

Holidays are particularly lonely for me

Holidays are particularly lonely for me. Even Hallmark Holidays- those are the ones that card companies create just to make money.

I dont know if it is because I am single, have a very small family (most of whom do not live here), or holidays are made for couples.

Although, I must say, when I was married, holidays made me more aware of how lonely I was in my marriage.

July 4th has just passed. I had no plans. I love fireworks but am way too uncomfortable to go to see them by myself. Fortunately, a married friend who was not doing anything special, invited me over to have dinner with her family. It was a small, quick dinner, but I was grateful, as it broke up the monotony of being alone. My friend spent a lot of the time complaining how she is so bored in the summer. Most people in my area have a summer house, pool in the backyard, or belong to a country club.

She and I have none of the above. She always has plans, as she is married, and goes out frequently with other couples. She takes a ride to the beach with her husband almost every weekend. It has just been too hot. She works part time, could work more, but chooses not to. As a friend, I wanted to be supportive. As a therapist, if she were my patient, we would work on how she can fill her time more productively. But, I cant always be working and I definitely thought I was the wrong one to complain to. Do you tell someone who doesnt have a mother, how great it is spending time with your mother? The only thing I did say (in my defense), was at least you have someone to talk to when you are home doing nothing.

I dont want to be selfish, and everyones issues do not revolve around me. But, I find that most people are quite insensitive to my situation, although, I try not to talk about the times I am not feeling great. I keep busy most of the time, and definitely do not mind spending a day or two by myself. Last night I read almost an entire book. I was lonely. I cant say I was lonely for a man, as after being single for so many years, it is not even a thought in my mind. I think on some level I have given up hope of finding someone normal who can appreciate me.

As time goes on, I find less and less single people to be with. I had a large group of couples that were a huge part of my life for over 20 years. Things change and you must start anew. It has been difficult for me, but I always appear happy and am pleasant to be around. I ran in to an old friend in the supermarket today. We chatted for about five minutes, and as we were parting she said, I am glad to see you are really happy. I thought this was quite interesting, especially since today I felt particularly not happy.

Kate

http://www.eastcoasttherapist.com

by: Kate Carlton

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