Long Distance Marriage Advice: How To Deal With The Separation
Long Distance Marriage Advice: How To Deal With The Separation
Long distance marriage advice is incredibly hard to give unless you've experienced it yourself and for many people, even the thought of being separated from their spouse for any length of time is unacceptable. Being married means living in the same house. Period.
But what do you do if your spouse is in the forces or is required to work away a situation that is increasing in the difficult economic climate that exists today? And these situations are often exacerbated by that fact that there are also very frequently children involved. This can lead to the spouse being left behind to feel as though they are carrying the sole burden of all the day to day family issues; while the partner working away may experience the horrible sense of being excluded from their family's life.
Being in a long distance marriage is not easy, and lots of people well meaning friends and family usually are always more than willing to give you their long distance marriage advice, even though they've never experienced it themselves. When you're feeling lonely, it's very easy to listen and be swept up by well meaning opinions which have no real experience to back them.
I've been in a long distance relationship since 2006 and for the last six months that has become a long distance marriage. My husband is in the armed forces so I really do understand (and experience) that horrible feeling of not actually being married at all. However, over the last few years I have developed some key tried and tested techniques which have helped me and my husband keep our long distance marriage going while he's away at sea.
1. Telling each other that you miss one other is of course vitally important, but constantly bemoaning the fact that you are separated doesn't help either of you at all. You may not mean it, but there is an implied criticism that somehow one of you is at fault for the situation and this can very often lead to placing blame where there is none.
2. Don't get involved in the which of you has it worse' scenario. It really is a no win argument. Everyone deals differently with the loneliness and separation caused by a long distance marriage and no matter how well you think you know your significant other, you can't possibly understand fully how they feel or how they will deal with the distance between you. No matter what long distance marriage advice you are given by well meaning friends and family, who are obviously on your side', please don't fall into this trap.
3. If you are the one left behind, don't get bogged down by the left behind mentality'. It's easy to imagine your spouse living the high life with no responsibilities while you're dealing with the day to day problems at home. The reality is most likely nothing like that and, while your partner may not be accustomed to the chill of coming home to an empty house each night, the chances are that they are feeling the separation just as keenly; knowing that you most probably have a support network of friends and family to call on can make them feel very isolated.
4. Try and set aside some special time for one another. This can get completely pushed to one side when you're dealing with the myriad of problems that come with spending a large proportion your married life apart. But it's so important to keep the romance alive and to remember what it was that made you fall in love in the beginning.
5. Beware of long distance arguments. If there are two pieces of long distance marriage advice I can give, it's to never, ever hang up the phone in anger. Even worse, please don't fire off an angry e-mail using words that can be read and re-read and thrown back at you later! Always try to stay calm remember you don't have the advantage of body language and can easily misconstrue what is said or written when you are unable to see your spouse.
These are just 5 practices that I try very hard to adhere to while my husband is away, but it really doesn't matter whether you are the one left behind or not, if you follow this long distance marriage advice, it will help both of you.
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