Marriage - A personal or social event ( A north Indian view)

Marriage - A personal or social event ( A north Indian view)

In the rural and semi-urban areas of Punjab, a north-western state of India, marriage is a big question for many. The trouble is people's half-modern thinking which does not let them neither go forward nor move backward. India is a traditional country but with the changing needs and changing times, people neither want to live a fully traditional life nor they want to be totally modern. In fact, they are unable to become completely modern and broad-minded in such a traditional background. This pattern affects almost all the aspects of their life including marriage.

Choice of life partner makes the marriage an even

more complicated question. Love marriage is a very rare event or more a sort of arranged marriage because parents of bride and groom make innumerable calculations before allowing their children get married. Caste is the first parameter. Then comes the financial factor. If the caste of the lovers is same and their economical status is similar, the chances are high enough. Otherwise, the couple end up cursing their fate with a broken heart or taking some wrong step like suicide or running away from home to get married with the person they love.

There are serious aftereffects in case a love marriage does not take place. First, it is inevitable to be under some degree of depression. Second, it is very difficult for such people to develop a harmonious relationships with another person as a life partner which further leads to an unhappy and dissatisfactory life. Another dimension of the complexity is extra-marital affairs. Despite the marriage, some people continue to have relationships with the individual they had ever loved but were not allowed to get married for one reason or the other.

Running away for a court marriage which is legally valid may prove to be very dangerous. A girl's family considers the running of their daughter away with any boy a matter of great disgrace and insult. Consequently, they get angry and attempt harming the boy or the girl in every possible way. Under the impression of immediate anger, they may even kill the boy, the girl or any member of the boy's family.

There are gender differences in love marriage too. It is more important for a boy to be economically prosperous but it does not matter much for girls in most cases. Generally, boy's family consents to the love marriage but girl's family does not agree easily. A girl's parents initially try to convince the girl by physical harrassment or beating. If this does not work, they try to blackmail the girl emotionally. They leave no stone unturned to change the girl's mind. Moreover, a court marriage angers a girl's parents more as compared to a boy's. If a runaway couple gets caught by the police before getting married legally and the girl, falsely or under any pressure, states that she has been forcibly taken away by the boy, the boy would be senteced ten years long prison or some penality in the form of monetary fines, nevertheless, they had run with mutual consent. Another point expressing gender differences is that girl's virginity and good character is what a man looks for in his life partner, however, it is not the case with women. Many a man want to have sexual relations with multiple women before or after marriage calling it an enjoyment but they seek virginity in their would-be life partners. This half-modern thinking has imbalanced the society in a pitiful manner.

A positive approach is the need of the hour. It will take at least half a century to get out of this fifty-fifty thinking. But the youngsters can change themselves according to the situation for the time being. If they understand the social circumstances and do not indulge in any extra-marital relations. They must avoid baseless romantic relations. Love is natural and sees no bars but love demands sacrifices too. Love must not be held responsible for the social chaos. An individual must understand the meaning and significance of marriage and must be honest with one's life partner forgiving his/ her mistakes of the past. Parents too must understand their children's feelings. Thus, they can give a better life to themselves, to their children and to the society as a whole. Hopefully, the society will soon come out of this social malady.

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