Marriage Counseling - What to Do When a Partner Flirts Too Much
When Alicia first met Tim, she found him outgoing
, charming, and easy to talk to. Yes, he flirted a lot, but although he was talking, he'd turn to wink at her, take her hand, or put his arm around her shoulder as he continued talking.
But sometime in the two years following their marriage, Alicia started feeling differently about Tim's extraverted side. It seemed to her that he was flirting as well a lot and too blatantly although she sat on the sidelines, feeling left out. Most of the time, Tim didn't even introduce Alicia as his spouse. If Alicia said anything to Tim about her feelngs, he told her that she was more than-reacting. As she became increasingly more harm, resentful, and withdrawn, the emotional climate in the marrige cooled considerably, and the marriage became less satisfying for both of them. Neither 1 knew what to do.
Flirting on the part of a spouse causes marriage issues for numerous couples. And it can at times be tough to distinguish between a spouse with an extraverted character who just naturally likes to joke and kid close to versus the companion who is continually "on the make."
Flirting conduct has varying causes. If you have known your partner for a lengthy time and have never had any reason to believe he or she has cheated on you, then you are most likely married to an extravert who has a flirty character. Extreme flirting can be a sign of someone who is trying too hard to attract and keep attention focused on himself or herself because they are needy emotionally.
Flirting can also be a passive-aggressive way of getting even with a companion. And, of course, constant excessive flirting can be a sign of somebody with a sexual addiction who is continuously on the prowl looking for his or her next sexual contact and conquest. A spouse in this category needs expert help from an addictions counselor, but the help won't be efficient unless the individual wants to be helped.
So what can you do about your spouse's flirtatious ways? one of the steps you can take is to write a letter outlining your emotions. In the case of Alicia and Tim mentioned in the opening paragraphs, Alicia could tell Tim how a lot the fact that he doesn't introduce her to others as his wife hurts her emotions. She could ask for him to include her in the conversations, to place his arm around her, to hold her hand, or to turn and smile at her occasionally. Another factor Alicia could do is to become more assertive about speaking up, becoming a part of the conversation when Tim is flirting, and letting individuals know that she's Tim's spouse. If Tim says, "This is Alicia" when introducing her, Alicia could say, "Nice to meet you. But I am suggesting that when she is already present, she can casually drop into conversation that she and Tim are married, this kind of as "It's fun to have such a witty husband! Tim has always been able to make me laugh."
Say upfront that you understand the two of you have differing perceptions and you're not accusing him of doing something wrong. You just know that if you don't share your feelings and really feel heard you may have resentments and harm feelings that construct up and eventually harm the relationship. You want to feel that your spouse has really listened to your concerns, that your partner cares about your emotions, and that your partner is willing to attempt some new behaviors that will supply you the reassurance you need.
You could also suggest that the two of you see a marriage counselor if the letter writing and talking don't accomplish what you want. The bottom line is that spouses who love each other and are in a healthy relationship will want to listen to their partner, consider their emotions into consideration, and take steps to enhance communication and intimacy. Showing consistent disrespect and disregard for a partner's feelings and perceptions indicates there are serious relationship problems lurking beneath the extreme flirting behavior--and it's time to seek professional assist.
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Marriage Counseling - What to Do When a Partner Flirts Too Much
By: Dusty Howard
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