Marriage Therapy - Coping With Infidelity

When couples take their marriage vows, they always vow to stay faithful to each other

. It is never heard of that as part of the marriage vows, the couple promise to be unfaithful. After the vows have been said, many marriages end up finding themselves in this situation. Because this is a circumstance for which none of the couple was ready for, its occurrence causes some instability which in a lot of cases lead to the breakup of the marriage.

When we refer to coping with infidelity, we are actually considering both one time experiences and cases where it appears to be recurring. This is a very sensitive matter and so has to be addressed as such. What would be your recommendation to an individual who is faced with a spouse that is continually cheating on them?

This is an example of the marriage counseling questions that have been asked in different forms. Attempting to answer these questions in a black and white manner never seems to satisfy everyone. The truth is that you need to reach within yourself and tell yourself the truth about what you actually want.

A marriage therapist would generally be burdened with attempting to discover why one partner was unfaithful and then what the other spouse's best action should be. One thing I have discovered in counseling is that nearly everyone who goes for counseling has an idea of what they intend to do. Offering any advice in that direction would instantly result in the individual acting accordingly. At the end of it all, the counselor who gave the support would generally bear the blame if the outcome is not what they thought.

This is the reason why a therapist would spend a lot of time attempting to help you discover yourself so you can understand what you really want. The truth is that the hurt and pain would pass with time so acting based on them would in many cases result in decisions that would be regretted. You may have noticed that in while decisions, we usually discover that the decisions that were difficult and appeared painful were mostly those that would benefit us in the future.

Like I mentioned in a previous writeup, the simple truth is that it's simpler to cope with infidelity when it's a one time occurrence and the spouse is sure that there would be no recurrence. If the situation is on-going, handling it becomes more difficult. Note that I said "more difficult" and not unresolvable. It is obvious that the main issue to be examined is the cause of this persistence. I think that the marriage has little hope of surviving if the underlying cause of the infidelity isn't discovered and addressed.

It's at this point that we see the importance of a marriage therapist. It's during your sessions with the marriage therapist that you would lot's of times discover some issues you were not aware of. This would hopefully lead to finding out what's wrong and working towards handling it. it's really necessary that as a first step, the couple agree that there is a challenge that they need to address. Both the guilty spouse and the hurt partner need some form of assistance.

It is important to never take a decision in anger. Lot's of marriages have been wholly destroyed as a result of hasty decisions that were later regretted. It is better to hold your emotions, talk to a marriage counselor and chart a course for the repair of your marriage.

by: Deborah Lindstrom

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