Memorial Service Hints For Reverends
Death, for the majority of people, is something thats
, at best, an abstraction. Its something that happens to other people, in other places, away from us. So, whenever it happens around us, were likely to be caught unprepared. As a officiant, you cannot allow that to happen.
How would you feel if a friend or loved one died and you're asked to do the ceremony? Would you give up the responsibility, simply because you are fearful about having never performed a funeral before and don't know what youre supposed to say?
Many years back, I recognized this so I began learning about funeral and memorial services. I got in touch with funeral homes, where I was made aware, among other things, that there is really a definite need for clergy to perform non-denominational ceremonies.
The hardest things for me were combating the possible concerns about how I would feel about being near a dead body along with trying to figure out what I was planning to say at the service. Prior to my first memorial service, I'd never as much as attended a service, let alone seen a dead body. The first thing you should know is that a dead body looks a good deal like a wax dummy. Not the least bit scary. It swiftly becomes obvious the spirit has departed and what remains is merely an empty vessel.
With regards to the ceremony itself, I soon discovered that there seems to be not much out there written about funeral ceremonies and virtually nothing available for pastors who need to conduct them. What reverends need are some sort of script to follow, like are available for weddings. I did eventually find a single ceremony from a mainstream religion as well as one from a different non-denominational religion. Neither was quite the message I wanted to put across, but the words gave me a place to start. I then put together a few books which do include quite a few pages of choices for the various parts in the ceremony. Those books are Weddings, Funerals and Rites of Passage and its sequel. These both can be purchased from the Universal Life Church Seminary store.
I open my services with a welcome message and a thank you on behalf of the family for their attendance Then, I begin to share about the reason we are there to celebrate the life of a friend they've loved. I invite everyone to send their love to the newly departed, while I lead everyone in a prayer. I share a bit about life and death as well as whatever wed learned from the deceased in his or her time with us. Then, I shift into the eulogy. I made a general opening few lines for the eulogy, then I begin filling it in with the facts and stories I get from the grieving before the ceremony
I usually put in some biographical information in the beginning of the eulogy, which serves to remind everyone that the departed one was both a member of a family or group yet was still, an individual. I usually then talk about the value of telling stories and remembrances about the deceased|stand up and share stories and invite everyone there to say a few words. It is not unusual for nobody to speak during the service, but there will be times that people will come up if they are invited.
At this part of the ceremony, there exists more flexibility. I love singing or leading people in 'Amazing Grace' during funeral services. Not everyone is comfortable initiating that, but there still might be room to have a song, either recorded or sung. Just make sure that the funeral director is aware if a tape or CD needs to be played. The directors generally already do. After the music, there can be a lighting of a candle, reading from the bible or reciting of some poetry The ceremony frequently ends with a prayer and a benediction.
If the body is going to become interred (buried), then I go to the burial site (unless I'm already there), and read some scripture, the Lord's Prayer, along with the words for the interment - (offering the physical remains from whence it came, and so forth.) I do not always conduct the ceremony in that order; I try to just let it flow as feels right. It is a good idea to show up ready for anything.
I have found that memorial services are a unique place to help others, discover things about myself and other people better, as well as to heal. One important matters to keep in mind whenever you are doing a service is that it's imperative for you, as the officiant, keep a lid on your own personal feelings. There will probably be a great deal of individuals around you in sadness along with grief. It is not your place to match them. Rather,its your job to keep yourself a bit distant and express compassion, while still being strong, so that the grieving can lean on you as well as feel free to show
A lot of ULC officiants are called upon to conduct the funeral service in the memorial service chapel only or at a graveside service only.
There's no set in stone way to conduct afuneral. Not all services are religious in nature so the officiant needs to arrive ready to present a civil ceremony with no references to God. The family knows best what their beliefs are ahead of time along with the beliefs of the deceased and those beliefs should be honored.
The memorial service is for the grieving much more than the deceased. The clergy-person is the professional, entrusted to carry forth the ceremony to assist the departed into the arms of a loving God.
Its good to show up ready and every clergy-person really should have a copy of Weddings, Funerals and Rites of Passage, along with its sequel, More Weddings, Funerals and Rites of Passage, available through the resource link.
by: Thad Herzer
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