My Ex Broke The "No Contact Rule" - Now What?

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It has been an ongoing, daily struggle

It has been an ongoing, daily struggle. You've fought the overwhelming urges, those little voices that have been relentlessly compelling you to break it for just one last plea. "I just need to get this one last thing off my chest," you tell yourself. "No," you mentally exclaim as you snap the slide-out keyboard on your cellphone tightly shut! "Don't do it!"

Well, you've remained strong through what has felt like the toughest of times. Your perseverance has paid off. You've hung in there, making no contact with your ex whatsoever. It has been weeks since you contacted them, and you're beginning to feel great again enjoying your life all on your own. Then, suddenly, you hear that familiar sound resonating from your cellphone. It couldn't be who you think it is, could it?

As you sit there in somewhat of a state of shock, it begins to sink in that, sure enough, it is a text from your ex. You wonder to yourself whether or not you should even read what they have to say as you blankly stare at their number on the dimly lit touch screen. You know that reading whatever is waiting for you inside that message could mean stirring up those once silent little voices, and surely they'll be compelling you to make contact once again. All of your hard work could be down the drain in a flash, and you'll be right back at square one. Now what?

Well, whether or not you choose to respond or even read the message at all, for that matter, depends on a few factors. Knowing that you'll be chancing the likelihood of stirring up painful feelings should you read and respond, do you really want to? If you've made up your mind up to this point that what is best for you is to move on with your life, then no, you shouldn't read, let alone respond to their text. It doesn't matter what the message says, if you feel at all apprehensive about the fact that they contacted you, then you're clearly not ready to talk to them even if it is just "chit chat." Remember that it was them that broke up with you, and only you can look out for your own feelings.
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On the other hand, if the real reason you resorted to "no contact" was in hopes of bringing your ex back into your life, then your options will be somewhat different. My suggestion in a situation like this would be to go ahead and read the message. Then, whether or not you choose to respond at that point depends largely on what was said by your ex. For example, if they simply sent you a text to ask "how are you doing," then you probably should not respond.

Why? Simple. What your ex is doing here is not what you're hoping for. What you want, obviously, is a second chance, and that's not what they're offering. What they are doing is either contacting you out of residual guilt about the break up in an attempt to give themselves an ego boost, or they are just curious about why they haven't heard from you at all. Neither scenario is necessarily going to lead to them taking you back. Keep being strong, and don't respond. If they really want you back, they'll let you know in plain English.

Now, if the message was flat out "I want us to try again" or "I made a mistake, and I want another chance," then you'll want to respond, obviously. However, I'd advise you to continue being strong and not respond right away. A swift response will give the impression that you were just sitting around, waiting for them.
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Additionally, you shouldn't dive right in telling them how much you missed them and expressing how excited you are that they have contacted you. When you've given it some time and you do respond, keep it short, and try to give the impression that you are doing just fine. Try to leave them wondering what you have going on in your life that is so important that you appear to not have time for them right now. Take things slowly just as you probably did in the beginning of the relationship.

What you do when and if your ex breaks "no contact" is decided by your initial reasoning behind implementing the concept. Either way, be careful not to spoil all of your hard work by making the wrong choice. Be strong, and choose wisely.

My Ex Broke The "No Contact Rule" - Now What?

By: Anthony S Carter

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