What is the behavior that my mate does that triggers my anger? When my mate does thisI feel this 2. Identify the root of this anger using The GIFT Exercise. (Guilt, Inferiority, Fear, or Trauma) 3. Ask yourself, when have I ever felt this feeling before? Look for a past occurrence, preferably in childhood. 4. What do I do when I feel this feeling? What is my behavior? 5. What do I really need? them to their root cause, and so that the roots can be easily remembered. We chose the word GIFT because we feel that it would be a gift to each other and themselves to identify the root of their wrath. If one mate responds in anger, it tends to create a defensive or angry response from the other in return. Both are less likely to really hear what each other is saying. Healthy communication is thwarted, and conflict goes unresolved. By tracing the root of anger, they are able to share it more effectively with each other. The GIFT Exercise gives couples a format to follow in tracing the root of their rage and helps couples communicate more honestly.