Nlp For The Broken Hearted

As the recession continues to crunch more couples are separating

. Sad as this may be, there might be some small glimmer of hope. Regardless of how you feel after a separation, it is not the end of the world and the separation may be a blessing in disguise. John Gottman, who has spent the last 30 years doing research into what makes couples survive or fail, believes that money is rarely the real issue behind separations. When couples argue about money they are really arguing about something much more quintessential they are fighting about their own sense of identity. In a financial crisis, couples can no longer operate independently of each other but have to work together and be together, enjoying each other for the people they are. Arguments about money are really about individual long term goals, self image and personality. A financial crisis forces issues which can often be concealed by the luxuries money affords. It is possible that if you have recently separated, or know someone who has, that this period of pain and disconsolation is a blessing, because when it comes to incompatible relationships it is better to end them earlier than later. But knowing this doesnt help assuage the grief. So what can you do get over a relationship and move on with your life?

A relationship break up is very much like going through a state of grief. Research shows that people who have adjusted well within two weeks to the death of a loved one are generally happier and more functional at the end of a two year period. It is good to grief, but there comes a point when life needs to move on and in many ways the sooner the better.

Overcome the Relationship

In spite of our best attempts relationships often end with a sour taste, we often say or do things that hurt the other person emotionally, and are often the victims of such behaviour ourselves. It is important to get some distance on the relationship. In NLP we often make use of the trauma cure and Timeline Therapy for such events which have the effect of creating distance from the events of the relationship and this reduces some of the emotional pain and hurt. (A full description of the trauma cure can be found in The Heart of the Mind by Steve and Connirea Andreas).

Learn from the Relationship

A relationship is never dead time and never without its value. Having gained distance on the relationship sit down with a pen and paper and write down a full description of your ideal future partner, and use the experiences from you previous relationships to help you. Be as precise as possible and order the list so you know what things you really value most about a partner. Think of your former partners virtues that you liked, and when that person had failings, describe the virtues that you wish he or she had instead of those failings. Many people get into doomed relationships with the same sorts of people because those people have qualities they like, but for a successful relationship you need more than passing interests or a couple of similarities. Get really specific. Doing this will help you in the future when dating new people. It will also help demonstrate to you the reasons why your relationship failed.

Know your Worth

Having got specific about what you want in a relationship, stick to your guns. Dont accept any terms, be patient. Get out and meet lots of people and accept the fact that sometimes it can take time to find the perfect person. Despite what popular culture seems to think, it is okay to be single and to spend time getting to know people fully. Enjoy the advantages of being single, enjoy being able to treat yourself, do more sport, go to more events. Have fun! And one of the great things about enjoying the life you live, its a good way of meeting people who enjoy their lives too. People need to be happy before going into a relationship, if they rely on the other person to make them happy, the chances are the relationship will fail. Happiness is something which comes from within, if it is dependent on external forces, that person can never be fully happy.

To help you with any of these processes and to learn more, contact your local NLP practitioner or visit my website www.mind-design.co.nz.

Peter Campbell, 2010

NLP Master Practitioner,

Mind Design, Christchurch.

info@mind-design.co.nz

www.mind-design.co.nz

by: Peter Campbell

POST COMMENT

Removing The Trauma - A Personal Account Sha Lan of TOP2 Outlining NH Laws Wii Motion Plus Flush Mounted Fans For The Low Ceiling Nanjing watch's long legend Benefits Of Directory Submission Top 3 Reasons For Fail Background Check Shop Only For F150 Wheels For Your F150: Variety Of Traditional Sweets Available From Sweet Shop Memories Attention How To Boost Your Seduction Power - By 297% Borrowing To Invest Or Super? A Requiem for Hearing