Once and Again: Get Back Together with Your Ex

Once and Again: Get Back Together with Your Ex

Breaking up with someone can be a life changing experience that countless people wish they did not have to go through. There are often tears, words fueled by anger, questions that often go unanswered. You get advice from your friends and family and words meant to boost your morale: "You are better off without him/her," "You are too good for him/her," "There are other fish in the sea," or "A better one will come along, you will see." Yet, they do not make you feel any better because, deep in your heart, you know that you simply want another shot at making your relationship work and then you make the decision to get back together with your ex.

If a reconciliation is something you truly want to consider, you need to not just focus on the happy memories and what made the relationship last for as long as it did. You need to be able to recall the not-so-happy memories in order to pinpoint why the break up even happened in the first place. Why torture yourself this way? Knowing what went wrong and why things went awry will help you in make necessary changes to yourself and to the relationship and to recognize if you and your ex are just repeating the same errors in judgment. Any changes that need to be made with your ex need to be his or her decision. Do not even try imposing the changes because the tendency of the other party is to simply build up a wall of denial and resentment towards you. Yes, you can help your ex along by openly and honestly talking about what you think needs "tweaking" but you should also be prepared and willing to listen to what he or she has to say about you and what he or she deems as flaws in your person. After all, if you were perfect, why would he or she have made the decision to leave you in the first place? It may sound harsh but there were things you did or did not do that may have given him or her reason to end the relationship and knowing what those were can only help you on your journey to get back together with your ex.

Both you and your ex need to want this reconciliation together. This cannot be a one-sided decision. Getting back together with someone you love is different from breaking up with them. Breaking up is often a decision that only one person makes and the other one has no choice but to accept it, whether willingly or not. Sure, an ex may not be open to the idea right away but a little (or a lot) of convincing may make him or her see the wisdom of your argument. In the end, it still needs to be a decision that you both agree too. However, once you both decide to get back together with your ex, refrain from making the same mistakes in order to not have a repeat of another painful break up.

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