Pimp Your Phone

The car pulls up by me at the red light

The car pulls up by me at the red light. The rear is jacked up. The wheels have spinners that twirl so its moving even when its standing still. Underneath the vehicle emits an eerie neon glow that makes it look like a sleek hovercraft in the twilight afterglow. The driver guns the engine when the light turns green. He burns rubber and I eat his dust. Wow! If only I had the nerve to pimp out my ride. But I dont. The best I can do is trick out my phone.

For those of you looking for some ideas on how to soup up that home telephone of yours, here are a few very rad ideas. Thats right, I said rad.

Phone Motion Sensor

Even 007 doesnt have one of these. Its the TelSpy Motion Activated Intrusion Notification System Catchy name, huh? This trim line phone comes with in a built-in motion detector. If a cat burglar gets within 30 feet of this phone it automatically calls a preset number and allows you to listen in. Listen closely, thats the sound of him stealing your stereo.

Hold Music

Why should the dentist office have all of the fun? Think of all the uses. Perfect for that home business or even a busy home phone. A great way to deal with solicitation callsput them on holdforever. Impress your friends. Sally, Im receiving another call, mind if I put you on hold?..Why, of course Ive got music. When strange boys call your teenage daughter, put the losers on hold while you give your daughter the third degree. The uses are endless. If this sounds like your sort of gadget, then behold the On-Hold Plus 7000.

This baby comes with three hours of pre-loaded elevator music. (After three hours, that pesky telemarketer should take the hint that you are not picking back up.) Or better yet, you can load in your very own CD. A little Death Cab for Cutie maybe or perhaps some heavy metal polka.

Telephone Voice Changer

Ideal for the single woman who wants to scare off that obscene phone caller. Put Daddy on the line. The

Econo Telephone Voice Changer can drop your voice sixteen pitch points. This dodad could make Mickey Mouse sound like Barry White. Also ideal for delivering anonymous ransom information in bad Harrison Ford movies.

Caller I.D. TV

Thats right. This little gizmo connects your phone to your widescreen TV. Now you can see who is calling on the same screen you see the football score. Nice. Its called the CID 100: TV Caller ID

It comes in a choice of colors and stores up to 73 numbers. Thats more numbers than on the opposing teams jerseys.

Your very own Red Phone

Barack has one. How about you? The Viking No dial Red Phone looks like the genuine article.

The dial-less phone has an adjustable ringer, a hearing aid adjustable handset and an optional weatherproof box. Everything, but your own bat signal.

So what are you waiting for? Customize your phone. Amaze your friends. And burn a little rubber without ever leaving your home.

by: Artie Megibben

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