Point Of View To Viewing Point: Listening For Understanding

I first heard this elegant phrase - "move off your point of view and establish a viewing point - from friend and colleague Thomas Crum

. He uses it to describe what happens when I move from a positional stance in a conflict and begin to look at what my partner sees, feels, and believes - a visual and kinesthetic metaphor so easily understood in theory yet so hard to do when we know we're right.

The viewing point. What does it suggest? What does it do for us that arguing for our position does not? It seems we can only gain. Yet, unless we answer these important questions, it remains difficult to move off a stance and into dialogue.

What does it suggest?

I move off my point of view when I shift into inquiry, both inwardly with empathy and curiosity and verbally with reflective, open questions and acknowledgment. When I change my attitude, I change my environment. My conflict partner feels this and can move, too. One person shifting to inquiry allows for movement to take place where stuckness existed before. Things change. New worlds open.

What does it do for us that arguing for our position does not?

The words "viewing point" conjure a mountaintop with vistas stretching towards the horizon. I see farther and more clearly. I breathe, reclaim my wonder and renew my perspective. I discover new information and a sense of belonging to a larger whole. I find it easier to understand, yes, and to express myself as well.

What makes it hard?

It's comfortable to hold on to that stance. It's who I am. I like this tree-bound perspective, thank you very much, and you ought to take a look at it, too! Why don't you?

I don't want to see what you see, contemplate your beliefs and feelings. I might change ... And I don't want to change.

Benefits of Practice

Until I see the benefits of exchanging my point of view for a viewing point, I am unlikely to move. Perhaps in the long run, it will be the pain of not moving, of remaining stuck, that eventually lifts me off my stance to higher ground. Knowing that theoretically it's a good practice is not enough. I have to experience the benefits. Maybe it will take someone else adopting my viewing point, becoming curious about my beliefs, before I can find my way into dialogue and experience the effortlessness of true power. It only takes one to show the way.

by: Judy Ringer

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