Positive Discipline: Using Affirmations To Enhance Learning
Children grow up steeped in negativity, hearing "no" far more often than they do
"yes." While many of the negative responses a child hears are a natural and necessary of learning the bounds of acceptable behavior -- for instance, needing to tell a persistent toddler "no" repeatedly to prevent her from pulling the family dog's tail -- some children take the messages they hear too seriously. Rather than accepting discipline at face value and correcting their behavior accordingly, these sensitive tykes internalize the negative part of the message. They believe that they are bad people rather than good people who have made a mistake or used poor judgment.
The tendency to pay greater attention to the negative aspects of a disciplinary message is a natural function of the human mind. All people have a saboteur in their heads, a negative voice that uses fear, self-doubt and self-criticism to keep them from taking risks and growing. With most children, the saboteur is hyper vigilant, turning normal discipline into a condemnation of their character and value as human beings.
When dishing out discipline, authority figures obviously should not attack children for who they are. Messages should focus only on correcting the child's behavior or poor judgment.
To further help your child accurately interpret disciplinary messages, incorporate affirmations into your communication. Affirmations are statements that we make about a situation, person, place or thing -- statements that our minds hold as fact. As a parent, you can use affirmations to point out the positive perspective of any situation or encounter. Positive affirmations are especially powerful when there doesn't immediately seem to be a positive side to a situation, as can be the case when your child has misbehaved and needs discipline.
Affirmations permits children to take accountability for their actions, while also awakening and strengthening their natural, resourceful side. By affirming your children, you're able to help them see the positive in themselves and in situations -- something they may be unable to see on their own if their internal saboteur is doing its job well. Recognizing and appreciating positive aspects will highlight the path back to healthy thinking.
When delivering discipline or any other type of negative feedback, use the following three-step process:
1. Offer an affirmation of what went right. If your son admits to breaking a vase, start with a statement like, "Thank you for admitting that you broke the vase."
2. Deliver input about what went wrong and explain the consequences, if applicable. "I am not happy, because you know that you're not allowed to throw balls in the house. Because you broke the rule, you will be grounded from the computer all day tomorrow."
3. Conclude with another affirmation. "I know it can be hard to tell the truth when you've done something wrong and you know there will be consequences. I am proud of you for doing the right thing and admitting what you did."
Discipline is essential for raising well-behaved, well-adjusted, responsible children. Some behaviors are so wildly inappropriate that it would be difficult -- and even irresponsible -- to risk watering down your discipline with an affirmation. But in many cases, especially with overly sensitive and serious children, offering a positive affirmation can reinforce the educational value of discipline, while preserving the child's self-esteem.
by: Jeff Corriher
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