Rebuilding Your Marriage After An Affair: Tips And Advice That Might Help

Rebuilding Your Marriage After An Affair: Tips And Advice That Might Help

I get a lot of correspondence from people who want to know how they can begin to rebuild a marriage that has been negatively affected by an affair. This correspondence most often comes from the spouse who was cheated on, but I also sometimes hear from the spouse who had the affair. No matter who is writing though, most every one wants to know how to start rebuilding the trust, erasing the doubt, and working through the resentments and uncertainty.

And, there are many things that you are going to need to work hard to rebuild in order to be successful. Many people feel that they need to get busy to restore the marriage that they had. But often, you will do better if you focus on rebuilding a new relationship one that takes what was working originally and discards those things that were never working for you and were leaving you and the marriage vulnerable.

With that said, countless couples are able to rebuild their marriages after infidelity. It happens every day and it's most certainly not impossible. What often needs to happen is that both people work together to understand how and why this happened so that they can keep it from happening in the future. The trust needs to be rebuilt and the connection and bond needs to be restored so that you get to a place where you want to move forward rather than staying where you are. I will discuss this more in the following article.

Accept That Rebuilding Your Marriage After An Affair Is Going To Be A Process That Requires Efforts Of Both Spouses: It's very common for both people to very quickly want to brush the affair under the rug. After all, the aftermath of an affair is usually painful and uncomfortable for both people. So, it's very normal to want to just "move on" as quickly as possible. Usually, the spouse who cheated will vow to never do it again and the spouse who was cheated on will commit to trying their best to trust again.

And most of the time, both people are completely sincere. But they will usually run into obstacles as time goes on because none of the necessary work has been done. No one has addressed how and why this happened and so there's a lot of fear, doubt, and suspicion that it's going to happen again. Without this work, you leave your marriage very vulnerable in the rebuilding process.

Ask The Important Questions To Which You Need Answers, Even If This Is Painful: As I said, it's so easy to just clam up and leave things unsaid. But you know what? If you don't put these things out there, they are going to eat away at you. The spouse who cheated must take responsibility for their actions and must give the answers and information that makes rebuilding possible.

Both people have to understand what went wrong. This often requires that the spouse who had an affair to do some self examination. Because, many times, an affair is the result of insecurities, low self esteem, and some identity crisis on the part of the cheating spouse. And this can be hard to face. Because often, the spouse's last attempt to deal with this lead to infidelity. So, it's understandable that he's going to be reluctant to face this. But if you don't face it down, you're always going to be looking at it until you do.

And, often the spouse who was cheated on will be shy or reluctant to get the questions that they have that are eating away at them. They worry that their spouse no longer finds them attractive. They worry that they are no longer desirable. They worry that they will be dealing with this again in the future. And they worry that they are in no position to make demands because they were foolish enough to allow this to happen in the first place.

But, sometimes you have to take a deep breathe and ask for precisely what you need. You deserve peace of mind. You deserve answers. You need to know that you've addressed all of the outstanding issues and worked through them because this is the only thing that is going to give you the confidence that you will need to trust again.

And, sometimes, you will need to seek some answers within yourself. What I mean by this is that usually, both people have self esteem issues that can greatly benefit from some self work. You will get better results if you build yourself up and restore your self worth. Two healthy people are going to have better results than two doubtful people. Some spouse's worry when their partner wants to work on themselves. Usually, this self work truly does benefit both people as well as the marriage.

Believe That You Can Successfully Rebuild A Marriage That Is Even Better Than The One That Came Before: This truly is the most important part of the equation. Because if you feel that all you have to look forward to is more of the same and more doubt, pain, and bitterness, then you're not likely to be very excited about moving forward and doing this work.

But, if you truly believe that you can rebuild a marriage that is going to be exciting, fulfilling, and positive, then you're more likely to roll up your sleeves and dive in. Do the best that you can to make this process a hopeful and pleasurable one. Yes, you have some pretty heavy things to work through, but nothing says that you can't bring some pleasurable activities into this.

When you are rebuilding, try not to make it all drudgery and darkness. Always try to make sure that something positive comes out of the negative. Grow, learn, develop a new awareness, and then as you are rebuilding the connection and intimacy, try to make it an exciting process. Try new things. Visit new places. Interact in new and exciting ways.

It is not at all uncommon for me to hear from people who tell me that their marriage after the affair is much better than the marriage before the affair. I know that infidelity doesn't often feel like an opportunity, but if handled properly, it truly can be, at least in some ways.

Rebuilding my marriage after my husband's affair took a lot of time, hard work and effort, but it was worth it because I now understand him, our marriage, and myself much more intimately. This has strengthened our marriage, and I no longer worry that he is going to cheat again. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/

POST COMMENT

Fashion for Real Women with Real Lives DirecTV – The Best Companion of the Women Lv, State Of Nevada Clips For The Jetsetter From Inns, Cafeteria, Museum And Karaoke Night The Popular Ladies Footwear Women's Fragrances Today How To Know When A Girl Is Losing Interest In You? Here Is Something You Must Know Before It's Late Do You Want Women To Like You? If Yes Then Here Are 3 Most Important Things You Must Know How To Tell If A Girl Is Interested In You! Sure Fire Ways To Figure Out What She Thinks About You How To Ask A Woman Out And Always Get A Yes Response - Here Is How Every Guy Should Do It What To Do If A Girl Is Playing Too Hard To Get Or Is Constantly Testing You Out? Read This Now How To Approach Very Attractive Women And Start Conversations Right Away! This Works Real Well How To Get Any Girl To Like You Using Mixed Signals! Ultra Vital Tactics Which Work Real Well 3 Keys Which Will Get Any Girl Attracted To You Real Fast! Here Is Something Most Guys Don't Know