Rechargeable Batteries Will Kill You

Rechargeable Batteries Will Kill You

Rechargeable Batteries Will Kill You

Rechargeable batteries suck, I'm about nature just as much as the next overweight American but rechargeable batteries are not the right way to fix our sustainability problems.

Do you own any rechargeable batteries? Do you know where they are right now? No, you don't know where they are; you think they might be in that drawer under that thing, maybe. But what about the charger, there's no chance in hell you have any idea where the charger is.

Why is this? Where did we go wrong?

You had a hankering one day to get green and start using rechargeable batteries, so you went down to RadioShack and dropped $120 on the whole shebang, every size battery along with a 10 minute charger so you would always have what you needed while still being environmentally friendly.

The first week was great, your son's gameboy was charged up and helping the earth, then your wife's digital camera, then your television remotes. You were charging like a madman, RC cars and Furbies had no chance against you.

Week 2, a battery is lost, it's a double A and you can't replace it unless you spend $15 on a 4-pack, you concede "Well, perhaps just one device using regular batteries is ok."

Week 3, you go to recharge the D sized batteries in your boombox, what? No charge? Why, huh, what's happening here!?!? Turns out rechargeable batteries still wear out, you buy some throw-away D cells from Walmart.

Week 4, you're palms are sweating, batteries have been going down left and right and you don't know why, you've done your research and learned all about volts, amps, ohms, overcharging, undercharging, temperature, storage, rest cycles and sperm whales. You've spent nights up shaking uncontrollably but the batteries will not let you rest.

Year 2, if by now you have not completely given up on rechargeable batteries then you are living a sad life, your family has left you, the camp ground you are living in has limited power usage and your hair has completely fallen out, you are a shell of a man and you know, soon, it will be the end.

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