Recognizing the Source of Your Stress
Recognizing the Source of Your Stress
Recognizing the Source of Your Stress
How stress impacts you is definitely different from how stress impacts me. What makes impacts of stress differ across individuals? How stress affects someone depends on which events that person notices and how that person interprets the events. As a result, one stress-related event for me may/may not be a stress-related event for another person.
For example, consider the following scenario: Bob and Frank get laid off from work. Now, consider each of their reactions: Bob: "What am I going to do? I can't believe this happened to me! All my goals have gone down the drain, I am a nobody anymore, I will never find another job" Frank: "Ah well, it is what it is. Until I find a new job, I will dedicate my time to my family; I can even help little Suzy with her projects at school! It will be a great opportunity to bond!"
You get my point, right? Of course getting laid off is no pleasant experience, but the reaction of each experience that someone undergoes depends on the person. In this way, Stress is in the Eye of the Beholder.
Where Does Your Stress Come From?
Conflict: "To Do or Not To Do...That is the Question!"
I will start off by saying that conflict is unavoidable and we are faced with it in our every day lives. Why does conflict happen? Well because two or more incompatible motivations or behavioral impulses are competing to be expressed. What exactly does this mean? Think back to when you were a child and you used to play "Tug-O-War"...conflict works the same way; one motivation is fighting to be expressed on one side whereas another motivation is fighting to be expressed on the other side. Now fast forward your childhood days and think back to when you were in school and you learned about Sigmund Freud, the famous psychologist. Well Sigmund Freud suggested that internal conflicts generate stress and psychological distress. In addition, another psychologist, Laura King, performed a multitude of studies and found that the more a person feels conflicted, the more likely it is that they will experience anxiety, depression and psychological distress. Now that, hopefully, I have made it clear what conflict is defined as...it's important to distinguish between the 3 different types of conflict. The three types of conflict include: "Approach-Approach", "Avoidance-Avoidance" & "Approach-Avoidance". Can you relate to any category?
Approach-Approach conflicts are when you have to make a choice between two attractive goals. For example when you go to a restaurant and you have to choose which delicious food item you will eat. This type of conflict is the least stressful of conflicts, UNLESS choosing either of the attractive choices produces a sort of loss. For example, you want both types of food on the menu, if you pick one it raises your cholesterol, but if you pick the other you will be left feeling hungry.
Avoidance-Avoidance conflicts are when you have to make a choice between two unattractive goals. An example of this is "Do I work a degrading job? Or do I settle with living off well-fare?" This type of conflict is the most unpleasant and brings about the most stress.
Approach-Avoidance conflicts is when you have to make a choice to pursue a goal with both attractive and unattractive aspects. For example, do you remember that one person you were in love with as a child and you wanted to ask them out so badly, but were so afraid of rejection? Well the same types of conflicts you were faced back then, fall into the same category of conflicts that you are faced with now. Do you purchase investment returns and risk the loss of capital? This type of conflict is the most common and it is very stressful. You often go back and forth in this case, much like the "Tug-O-War" scenario, where you have to risk some to pursue a desirable outcome.
Change: Starting Over?...Stress Inducing
When was the last time you did anything that was out of your norm? A long time right? Well that's because anytime we change anything, whether it is for the good or for the bad, we are overwhelmed with stress. Change is identified as a noticeable alteration in one's living circumstances which require re-adjustment. The thought of re-adjustment is stress-inducing enough for many individuals, the act of re-adjustment is quite anxiety driven. I have mentioned previously that even good changes induce stress...why? Because it involved a change. On the "Social Readjustment Rating Scale" {message me and I can provide you with further detail}, the top 5 Life Events which had the slowest readjustment rates include: [in order] Death of Spouse, Divorce, Marital Separation, Death of a close family member, and Personal injury or illness. I want to note that marriage is 6th, meaning that although it is a positive change it undergoes a very long adjustment period.
Pressure: To Perform/Conform?
When you are facing pressure you are facing expectations and demands to behave in certain ways. Pressure can be broken down into "pressure to perform" and "pressure to conform". Pressure to perform is when you have to execute tasks fast, efficiently, and successfully. Enough to make a person go crazy right? This is often seen in professions such as salespeople, professors, and comedians. Pressure to conform is when you conform to other people's expectations. This is often seen in the business world and in teenagers. What's the significant of pressure? It produces even more stress than life changes...specifically double the stress, which in turns causes psychological symptoms.
Frustration: "SH!+!!"
Frustration happens when your pursuit of a goal is inhibited. Most frustrations are the sources of stress, including frustrations of failures and losses. Losses, especially, bring about the most stress because people are deprived of what they are accustomed to have. To speak honestly, a major problem is that people set goals that are too high for them to achieve, which in turn results in continuous frustration. Everyone goes through frustrations and it is a normal part of life, but it is important to note that the more frustrations you face, the more likely it is that you will hit severe stress symptoms. My suggestions? Set realistic goals for yourself, don't be too hard on your self, and always look at the glass as half full! Life goes on....it is already another day on the other side of the world! Life doesn't stop for you, so you definitely shouldn't stop for it. Keep going & keep your head high.
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