SEXUALITY AND GENDER IDENTITY
SEXUALITY AND GENDER IDENTITY
SEXUALITY AND GENDER IDENTITYSexual orientation refers to an enduring pattern of or disposition to experience sexual, affectional, or romantic attractions primarily to men, to women, or to both sexes. It also refers to an individual's sense of personal and social identity based on those attractions, behaviors expressing them, and membership in a community of others who share them. Although sexual orientation ranges along a continuum from exclusively heterosexual to exclusively homosexual, it is usually discussed in terms of three categories: heterosexual (having sexual and romantic attraction primarily or exclusively to members of the other sex), homosexual (having sexual and romantic attraction primarily or exclusively to members of one's own sex), and bisexual (having a significant degree of sexual and romantic attraction to both men and women).
Sexual orientation is distinct from other components of sex and sexuality, including biological sex (the anatomical, physiological, and genetic characteristics associated with being male or female), gender identity (the psychological sense of being male or female), and social gender role (adherence to cultural norms defining feminine and masculine behavior).
Sexual orientation is commonly discussed as a characteristic of the individual, like biological sex, gender identity, or age. This perspective is incomplete because sexual orientation is always defined in relational terms and necessarily involves relationships with other individuals. Sexual acts and romantic attractions are categorized as homosexual or heterosexual according to the biological sex of the individuals involved in them, relative to each other. Indeed, it is by acting-or desiring to act-with another person that individuals express their heterosexuality, homosexuality, or bisexuality.
This includes actions as simple as holding hands with or kissing another person. Thus, sexual orientation is integrally linked to the intimate personal relationships that human beings form with others to meet their deeply felt needs for love, attachment, and intimacy. In addition to sexual behavior, these bonds encompass nonsexual physical affection between partners, shared goals and values, mutual support, and ongoing commitment.
Consequently, sexual orientation is not merely a personal characteristic that can be defined in isolation. Rather, one's sexual orientation defines the universe of persons with whom one is likely to find the satisfying and fulfilling relationships that, for many individuals, comprise an essential component of personal identity
1. Origins
The most common conflicts at different life stages that predispose individuals to homosexual attractions and behavior are loneliness and sadness, profound feelings of inadequacy, mistrust and fear, narcissism, sexual addiction, excessive anger, sexual abuse in childhood and a lack of balance in one's life. During times of stress these inner difficulties are activated. In an attempt to seek relief or to escape from this unconscious emotional pain, strong sexual temptations and behavior can occur. This dynamic of inner emotional suffering leading to homosexual desires and activity rarely can begin during childhood but usually it develops in early adolescence. However, adult life may be the first time for the emergence of this disorder.
2. Sadness And Loneliness
The most frequently seen cause of sadness in the past leading to homosexual attractions in males was the result of childhood and adolescent rejection by peers because of very limited athletic abilities. More recently, the collapse of the nuclear family with almost 40 percent of children and teenagers living apart from their fathers (D. Blakenhorn, Fatherless America, (New York: Basic Books, 1995) has resulted in serious problems with sadness and loneliness in our young. The failure to receive warmth, affection, and praise from a mother can result also in a terrible inner emptiness and sadness. Some females will attempt to fill this void for gentle, comforting maternal love through homosexual behavior.
3. Weak Masculine Identity
Another important cause of homosexual temptations and acting-out behavior is the result of strong feelings of insecurity. A lack of confidence may arise from rejection by parents, peers, siblings and other significant people in whom one wanted to invest trust. In an unconscious attempt to undo the earlier life rejection, a person may seek validation and acceptance from members of the same sex. In my clinical experience this painful emotional conflict is seen much more frequently in males.
However, the most common early life disappointments leading to homosexual desires is the result of peer rejections because of a boy's poor eye-hand and athletic coordination. This is a very difficult weakness to have in a culture that is obsessed with successful athletic performance to the point where it is seen as the major measure of masculinity. Children who are not athletically coordinated are regularly the last to be chosen to join teams and are often the victims of rejection and ridicule.
They are referred to regularly in a feminine manner through the use of such painful names as sissy, fairy, and queer. Also, they may be told that they run or act like a girl. As the betrayal pain by their peer continues year after year, these males feel increasingly inadequate, confused, isolated, lonely, and weak. This harsh treatment by peers results in these youngsters having a very poor body image and a poor sense of their masculinity.
4. Fear And Mistrust
Fear of vulnerability to heterosexual relationships is another important factor in the development of homosexual attractions. This inability to feel safe loving someone of the opposite sex is usually unconscious and originates most often from traumatic experiences within the home. In males this may be a consequence of having a mother who was overly controlling, excessively needy or dependent, angry and critical, unaffectionate and cold, narcissistic and insensitive, very mistrustful and addicted of ill.
In females the fear of trusting males in a loving relationship may arise from having a father who was very angry, rejecting and distant, insensitive toward the mother, abusive, harsh, selfish, addicted or unloving. Today, abandonment pain by the father from divorce is on of the major sources of male mistrust in females who develop and unconscious dread of being hurt as they saw their mothers wounded by their father. Subsequently, such females for a period of time may only feel safe being comforted in love by another female.
5. Sexual Addiction
The sexually compulsive, highly reckless, and life-threatening behavior in a large percentage of homosexuals would indicate the presence of an addictive disorder in these individuals. These addictions resemble substance abuse disorders in that individuals engage in compulsive behaviors that are medically hazardous. This clinical view of much homosexual behavior as being addictive in nature is supported by numerous studies of the sexual practices of homosexuals and by the recent best estimates that one half of all homosexual males in New York City are HIV positive.
The National Institute of Health estimated that at current rates of infection, a majority of twenty year old gay or bisexual men nationwide will eventually have the AIDS virus. A national survey of gay men showing that 41 percent performed anilingus (tongue on or in the anus), 46 percent received it in the past year and 46 percent of the men sometimes had sex that they considered riskier than they should be having. The addictive nature of much homosexual behavior explains why HIV infections have quadrupled in San Francisco since 1987. These studies support the clinical view that homosexuality is a disorder with extremely compulsive, highly reckless, and self-destructive features.
5. Narcissism
Narcissism or selfishness is another major factor influencing the attraction to the homosexual lifestyle. The appeal here is multifaceted and includes not having to make a total commitment to one person and not having to give oneself completely as a parent. There is a desire to remain childlike with minimal obligations in relationships and few limitations to the pursuit of pleasure. Hedonism is associated with man people involved in the homosexual behavior.
6. Attempt To Flee From An Excessive Sense Of Responsibility
Some people attempt to escape from excessive pressures and burdens by engaging in homosexual activities in which there is no commitment, obligation, or responsibility. Married men sometimes struggle with intense insecurity after experiencing the stress of a negative boss, a lack of success in work, or a sense of overwhelming anxiety from financial worries. Then they began to view their wives and children as burdens and difficulties rather than as gifts from God. They engage in homosexual behavior in an attempt to flee from their stress and to feel more lovable and special.
7. Sexual Trauma In Childhood
A number of males who were raped or sexually abused by older males in childhood develop confusion about their masculine identity. As with other victims of rape, they think that their behavior must have in some way led to the abuse. Such traumatic experiences can create self-hatred and the false belief that they must be homosexual. As adolescents, their relationship with girls is often undermined by their shame and the belief that no female could possibly love them it they knew of their sexual experiences.
8. Anger
The most significant type of anger influencing the development of homosexual attractions in childhood is anger with oneself. As a result of ongoing rejections by peers, many boys acquire an intense dislike for their bodies and view them as weak, unattractive, and un-masculine. They are so uncomfortable with their physiques that it is not unusual for them to spend a great deal of time fantasizing about escaping from their own bodies by assuming the body of another. This daydreaming can begin when they are very young and may lead to a strong physical attraction for those of the same sex.
Finally, excessive anger is seen in a number of other areas in the homosexual lifestyle. Most importantly, passive-aggressive anger, which is the quiet venting of hostility while pretending not to be angry, which is the quiet venting of hostility while pretending not to be angry, is manifested in the failure of HIV-positive individuals to inform their sexual partners of their illness. These men and women often feel that since they have to suffer, others should also. Intense anger is also seen in homosexuals within the media or in the educational, political, ministerial and mental health fields when they attempt to force our culture to change its views on homosexuality. Their approaches are often direct assaults against Judeo-Christian morality, the nuclear family, and the basic differences between men and women.
Newsweek, September 19,1994: 50-51.
SEXUALITY AND GENDER IDENTITY
By: Anandan Arles