Setting Boundaries Within The Relationship

A boundary is not to tell another person what to do

. This is to tell another person what you have to do in the face of other's hostile behavior or undesirable result. Although it is difficult for most people to accept, we can not control another behavior. What we can control is our own reaction in terms of the behavior of the other person.

The boundary is to tell the truth and act accordingly. For example: "I am no longer willing to be with you in public when you ask me. The next time you do, I'll tell everyone that I do not want to be with you anymore. Can I leave and take the car or a taxi home?"

Then, of course, make the action you have just said. If you do not act, then what you say is about manipulation rather than the truth. Boundary does not mean anything until you are ready to act.

The difficult part is to do your will to be done. If you need to control another person than to take loving care of yourself, one's opinion and action is a form of control. If you want to take responsibility for yourself, make your tone calm and sober- just letting the other person knows what you have to do or make. If you want to have control over another person, then your tone should be angry, guilty and blaming, and your energy is hard and closed.

We can not conceal our intention- it will still go through our energy and tone. But you can try to hide intent to control; the other will always come back to it and probably react with its own control behavior. You come from a place of personal power when you're planning to take loving care of your own self rather than to control the other. Since you can not control the other person, trying it will just leave you feeling frustrated and powerless.

The hardest part is taking the loving action on your behalf. To take care of you love, you must be willing to release the results of how the other person feel and behave. If you focus on the control of how the other person feels in front of their actions, then you will not be able to take measurements of love. If the focus is on the other person, for example: "He feels hurt and angry if I leave the party" or "She is angry with me if I go without her", then you will be unable to take action of love.

Only if it is in compassion for you, you will be able to act on your own behalf. Compassion for yourself means that you are 100% ready to take responsibility for your own feelings instead of trying to find someone to do it for you or instead of trying to control another feeling. This means that you are ready for the other person if he/she is angry with you rather than continue to be mistreated.

People tend to reflect the way we treat our own self. If you tolerate cruelty, let others know that it is okay to abuse you. To see that love in the face of the offensive behavior of others, usually you find that others will be respected and treated well.

by: Michael SeoVida Francis

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