Spam could improve your life
I'm expecting three emails any time now, one from a friend and the others from two seperate businesses
. I know my friend is very busy and will reply as soon as she gets the chance. But the business emails, well I won't hold my breath.
You see, businesses are completely baffled by emails. They can spend millions on tv and radio advertising. They can throw thousands of pounds at some spotty young boffin, who's an expert in social networking, to provide them with a Facebook page and regular Twitter updates, but send them an email and they are completely and utterly stumped. I can imagine a crowd of cavemen gathered around a desk, all pointing at the shiny screen, scratching their heads, and saying "ugh" quite a lot.
You might as well write the message on the back of your hand and wave it out of the window whilst repeatedly shouting "yoohoo" for all the good it will do. Expecting a business to reply to your email is like expecting the police to answer the phone within twenty minutes, it's just not going to happen.
To be on the safe side though, I thought I should check my email's spam filter, just in case my computer was so shocked at actually receiving a reply that it considered it a joke and binned it.
I wish I'd checked it sooner. It was a real eye opener. There were things in there that could have improved my quality of life to a standard I could only dream about. There were offers to enlarge a certain part of my body that's normally hidden from view. A tempting offer indeed, but how do they manage to do that online? I realise we now have broadband but the phone line is still as skinny as Victoria Beckham's arms.
There were invites from bingo halls and casinos promising to double my playing money if I signed up there and then. Although I must confess to playing online bingo a few years ago. It was a great laugh, and also comforting to know that I wouldn't be getting the 'evil eyes' from some snarly old pensioner if I was lucky enough to win three quid and an out of date Easter egg.
I could have a lovely mediterranean tan overnight if I want, and there are pills and potions for just about any ailment you could possibly think of, and some you've probably never heard of. A cure for erectile dysfunction was one of the most popular, with up to 80% discounts available especially to me, apparently.
And watches galore. All fakes of course, but who would know?
Diet products is yet another huge market. It's claimed that at any one time, at least a quarter of the population is on a diet.
I'm a bit of a yo-yo dieter myself. I'll try fruit and veg for a few weeks until I get bored and then it's back to good old tasty cakes and pies for a while.
I did take a closer look at some of the dieting products, but I never ventured as far as spending any money.
Having said that, I did enter a competition to win six months supply of a particular diet pill. Apparently they've got
chilli powder in them and are all the rage amongst Hollywood film stars. If it's good enough for Brad and Angelina, it's good enough for me.
Maybe I'll go back to my spam filter and start spending some cash. You may see the new me out and about soon. I'll be the skinny bloke heading towards the bingo hall with the fake Rolex and the fake tan, oh, and of course, the huge bulge in my trousers.
Spam could improve your life
By: Martyn Langdon
Unisntall/Remove an AWM Antivirus - How to Quickly and Safely Remove This AWM Antivirus Remove the Green Shield Antivirus - How to Perform a Green Shield Antivirus Removal USDA And The American Meat Institute - The Foxes Are Guarding The Chicken Coup Remove The Wireshark Antivirus - How to Remove The Wireshark Antivirus right away Remove The Antivir Pro - How to Remove The Antivir Pro right away Remove The Antivir Antispyware - How to Remove The Antivir Antispyware right away Remove The Net Protector AntiVirus 2010 - How to Remove The Net Protector AntiVirus 2010 right away CHANGE OF GUARD IN NORTH KOREA Lesbian Globe - Am I Prepared to Be a Lesbian Guardian? Ahead of the spammers Protector AntiVirus 2010 Uninstall Helper – The Fastest Way to Remove Protector AntiVirus 2010 Instantly and Complete Removal Antivir Solution Platinum Uninstall Helper – The Fastest Way to Remove Antivir Solution Platinum Instantly and Complete Removal "..Shall I put the Fire on?" A discussion of the options when purchasing Fireguards