Store Clerk Threatened By Flesh Eating Bacteria
From Grungeland Headquarters in Seattle, Washington
, comes a funny
shoplifting story. (Cue the Kurt Cobain music...oh wait...that's not
very uplifting.) Anywho, a Seattle man who escaped police is facing
assault charges, on allegations that he exposed himself to a Radio
Shack store clerk, brandished a knife and threatened the clerk, with
exposure to flesh eating bacteria.
According to the fuzz in Seattle, a gentleman known as Anthony
Joseph Urga attempted to steal two iPod Nano's, but was spotted by a
sharp eyed store clerk. When Sharpeye and another employee
confronted Urga, he coughed up the iPods, but refused to open his
backpack, so they could discover whether or not he had stolen
anything else.
Urga then pleaded with the employees to let him leave, claiming that
he was sick. They refused, so Urga "dropped trou," exposing his
private parts, then claiming that he was exposing them to "flesh
eating bacteria." Then he drew a knife, but was tackled, before he
could unfold the blade.
He was then arrested and taken to jail, but was refused admission,
due to an unspecified medical condition. He was then taken to
Harborview Medical Center, where he walked out of the emergency room
and into the night. He still has not been found.
A $50,000 dollar reward and warrant have been issued for his arrest.
It's all sort of strange, isn't it? Radio Shack actually had an
employee that was awake and functioning.
A man who is exposing himself, claiming to have a flesh eating
bacterial infection is tackled into submission.
He is refused admission to jail, because of a medical condition.
(What sort of condition keeps you out of jail?)
He disappears.
What is the world coming to, when a Radio Shack employee has more on
the ball than the cops?
In another startling development over the weekend, President Obama
threw in with the folks who want to build a mosque at Ground Zero.
Then, he clarified what he meant and then a clarification to the
clarification was issued by the White House. So we all now know
where he stands on the issue. His fellow travelers, (those Democrats
up for re-election), must wish there was somewhere they could send
him and the human gaffe machine, Joe Biden.
The New York Congressional delegation is hiding out in the
Catskills, hoping that there is no cell phone service out there, and
that reporters are unfamiliar with the territory. They can avoid the
question for a couple of weeks, but you can be sure that they don't
want to be asked, "Do you support President Obama on the Ground Zero
mosque?" Tick...Tick...Tick...
El Presidente needs some advice on how to tune up his head. And I'm
just the guy to tell him how he can do it, but it might be too late
to get any results.
1. He needs to drink more water, because I think he's dehydrated,
which causes serious brain damage.
2. He definitely needs to be on pharmaceutical grade fish oil. Lack
of fish oil is linked to diminished intellect.
3. Berries of all sorts are highly recommended for the President.
4. Green tea would improve his mental alertness.
5. Eggs. They would enhance his memory and reduce his fatigue. (Or
should we eat more eggs, because we're fatigued?)
Just a few suggestions for the fearless leader.
Oh...and don't bother campaigning in New York. Unless Charley Rangel
needs help.
by: Dr.Bill
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