Storytelling For Empowering Coaching Relationships
We had been walking for about an hour, the mosquito's were biting
, the sun was getting hotter, sweaters shed, the kids were getting tired. We stopped for what I always call the incentivizers - the cool water, piece of fruit, a cookie and a story! Then, re-energized, we headed up the hill at the top of which we could finally see 'the magic glen!'
"Why is it called the magic glen", my son asked. "Well, lots of reasons," I replied. "Firstly, it's an amazing place, right?" "Yes", they enthused and said, "just in this one place there's the slippery slides with the rope, the clay hill and...", I continued, "...most people don't know this valley is here, it's as if when we go away, it disappears...it's own special magic..'
As a parent, I have found that the more I tell my kids stories, the more they invite possibility, adventure, imagination and joy into their lives.
As a coach, I am completely convinced that the more I tell my clients stories, and listen to their stories, the better I coach and the more value my clients receive.
Storytelling is incredibly effective in strengthening the coaching relationships. Here are 3 powerful tips for doing just this:
1. Recognize the Narrative Comfort Zone
As you work with your clients you can recognize the kind of narrative that makes them feel comfortable. Some clients will be more reserved and private in the stories they tell; while others will appreciate a more direct approach. As you listen attentively to your clients and the stories that they tell, they will guide you to the stories that will be more useful and meaningful for them. This is how we learn about the kind of stories that our clients can relate to; the stories that will really affect them.
2. Using Narrative Distance to Get Closer
When we tell a fictional story to a client, a distance exists between the client and the story. The story tells of an objective experience and although it is related, it is not the client's actual experience, it is not their story. It can be amazingly powerful though and here's why. The distance gives your client a feeling of safety and this means they can start to consider the issues discussed in the story; they can look at them more closely and more directly through the story than if you were to approach the issue in conversation. Once your client is comfortable with thinking about the issue in the context of the story, then they can then think about the issue and start dealing with it more directly for themselves.
3. Who's afraid of the big, bad....personal story?
In coaching, when we tell personal stories we create a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate personal integrity, honestly and sincerity. It may seem risky or even scary to tell personal stories but these are the traits that are critical to building up the coaching relationship and set the ground for valuable self-discovery work.
We left the magic glen and headed back towards where we had parked the car. There were wild flowers everywhere and I had my youngest on my shoulders feeling like a sack of potatoes, floppy from tiredness, ready for his midday sleep. The bigger boys ran on ahead, racing to get back with their seemingly endless energy and enthusiasm especially when ice-cream may be on the cards!
And as I draw this to a close, I know that you may remember that storytelling builds relationships, you probably won't remember the 3 ways to do this, but I'm sure you'll remember the magic glen and the boys running home with the promise of ice-cream.
We always remember the story!
Have a wonderful, story-filled week (preferably with ice-cream!).
by: Lisa Bloom
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