Styles Of Sexfantasy

"I'm married to a caring, consistent, good-hearted

, unexciting man," says a happily married woman I know. "The unexciting part is actually the quality I love the best about my husband. I'd had my fill of thrilling, unstable men before marriage. Excitement is overrated. I feel incredibly lucky." Except that sometimes the sex gets boring.

"What makes it okay is that we then do something about it," she explains. Like last summer, when they sneaked around to their neighbor's swimming pool one night to swim nude. "We knew they were away, but it felt very adolescent and illicit. And it made for a very erotic night. We've gotten over the notion that you wait around for inspired sex to happen. Experimental, fantasy sex is a collaboration between two people." Couples who are kinky in the bedroom know that a taste for novelty, an openness to invention, a dash of daring, works wonders. But the mood to experiment has to be created.

"There's a certain amount of intention involved," says a man I know. "You have to want change and then decide to try something new." Often one partner is more talented in this area. "My wife was the initiator early in our sexual relationship," he says. "She brought home X-rated videos and dragged me into sex-toy stores. But in the end, it wasn't so much the toys as the fact that she was willing to experiment that turned me on."

Fantasy sex can be as low maintenance as making a point to share erotic dreams and passing notions with your mate. "The other day I found myself telling my girlfriend about a sexy dream I'd had the night before about my husband," says Charlotte, laughing. "It occurred to me later that it might be nice to share that with him instead." That night, as her husband was undressing for bed, Charlotte did. "We wound up making love at midnight on a weeknight. In our marriage that gets defined as novelty sex!"

Another couple made a sexual wish list while they were courting. "It started out as just a nonsexual list of places we wanted to go together, things we wanted to do," says 35-year-old Sonya. "It was so much fun that as we became more intimate, we added sexy things to the list and crossed them off as we tried them." They've been married two years, but the wish list continues. "It's gotten to be a can-you-top-this kind of thing. We put things on the list we almost can't imagine ever really doing." Like the quickie they managed to pull off in a bathroom at a dinner party not long ago. "We'd had a significant amount of wine, and my husband leaned over and whispered, 'Wish list.' And that was that. The mood was right."

by: Alex Jups

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