Sure Fire Ways Of Achieving The Ultimate Kung Fu Chi Power!

Sure Fire Ways Of Achieving The Ultimate Kung Fu Chi Power!

All right, I've had enough of the pretty boy weight lifting and the body calisthenics...I want an exercise that will give me the ultimate Kung Fu Chi Power! I want to be a Gung Fu Superman! I want to rip up oak trees by their roots and knock over outhouses with my little toe! I'm going to start doing the following exercises until I make it!

First, to make sure I have the best kung fu jump kicks, I'm going to do the following exercise. I'm going to dig a hole, one shovelful of dirt every day, and practice jumping into and out of the hole a thousand times every single day. By the time I'm deeper than I'm tall, I should be able to do jumping kicks that'll knock over skyscrapers!

Okay, for body slamming that would put king kong to shame, I've got a real he man, kung fu drill! I'm going to live out in the country and every day I'll lift a calf on my shoulders. By the time the calf is a thousand pounds, I'll be able to lift anybody in the world, and throw him or her at the ground so hard they strike oil!

Of course brute force isn't all I want, not when it comes to getting the kind of Kung Fu power 'm thinking of, so I've got a gung fu training drill that will sharpen the eyes and make my fingers nimble. I'm going to sneak up on a wasps nest and practice snatching wasps out of the air with my chopsticks! Hah!

Learning how to take a punch is pretty crucial, also, and I've got the right martial arts exercise for that one. I'm going to practice sprinting into brick fences and trees and other immoveable objects. Three years of running as fast as I can through orchards with a blindfold on should build me up.

And the old noggin, how could I forget martial arts head conditioning! I saw a guy in a flick who could ring a giant bell just by slamming his head against it! Hey, if I practice smashing into bells with my head long enough, ain't nobody gonna be able to ring my bell, if you know what I mean.

Let's see, what other things do I have to...oh yeah, 'that!' I think a little makiwara training with 'that' will make 'that' strong as an elephant. Of course it may appear a bit ugly when callouses start growing all over it, but that's a small price. After all, if even 'that' is truly deadly, I will have achieved my goals and be the ultimate gung fu strongster!

I will be the strongest Kung Fu warrior on the planet! Every body part will be thick, immense, rippling with raw power, and able to be used in combat to the death! All hail to me...the owner of the ultimate Kung Fu Chi Power!

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