The Art of Giving Freely
The Art of Giving Freely
The Art of Giving Freely
Being taken advantage of feels horrible! But what if we are imagining it all?
In a field one summer's day a Grasshopper was hopping about, chirping and singing to its heart's content. An Ant passed by, bearing along with great toil an ear of corn he was taking to the nest.
"Why not come and chat with me," said the Grasshopper, "instead of toiling and moiling in that way?"
"I am helping to lay up food for the winter," said the Ant, "and recommend you to do the same."
"Why bother about winter?" said the Grasshopper, "we have got plenty of food at present." But the Ant went on its way and continued its toil. When the winter came the Grasshopper had no food and found itself dying of hunger, while it saw the ants distributing every day corn and grain from the stores they had collected in the summer. Then the Grasshopper knew:
It is best to prepare for the days of necessity.
The fable of the "Ant and the Grasshopper" very nicely illustrates our misgivings for those we see as not having "made an effort" or "worked hard". Why should the ant give the grasshopper anything, who was enjoying himself all summer and did not work hard for the food to be collected? Giving him food now would make the ant the "sucker", it would mean it worked for the grasshopper all summer. The ant also wanted to enjoy the summer days and having worked hard for it, it is only fair that the grasshopper shouldn't get anything. Starvation is what the grasshopper deserves for its laziness.
Interestingly, if the grasshopper had been sick during summer, or depressed, the ant would be much more willing to help out during winter. Even if the grasshopper was too stupid to see the necessity to collect food, the ant might give a hand. But being able and informed, the grasshopper still did not work for its winter rations and thus the ant implies malicious intent. What bugs the ant is that the grasshopper may have been laughing behind its back, fiddling the days away, devilishly planning to ask the ant for food during winter. This implied intent is what drives us mad, the ever-so-slight suspicion that others are maliciously taking advantage of us, playing on our gullibility and "getting away" with their intentionally parasitic behavior.
In fact the ant is not in danger of starving, and collecting the food wasn't actually that much work. The grasshopper meant no harm, he just didn't see the winter coming and was so intently playing his fiddle. The ant enjoys the grasshopper's company, his fiddling and his stories. Why would the ant put the concept of "fairness" in front of its own joy?
We happily toil for a dog or a cat for many years without them ever doing anything for us except exist and give us joy. Only rarely would we be so supportive of an able adult human, even if the latter gave us equally much joy just by existing. The difference is that we do not attribute intent to our pets, while we feel implicitely threatened by humans who do not reciprocate our efforts.
Strangely, we are not prepared to give a person anything just for their presence, even though they may keep us good company and make us happy. We gladly pay for all kinds of entertainment, but are reluctant to provide for someone just for their existence, which might give us more joy than any movie or theater. But the idea of us contributing more than the other person makes us mad; we will not be taken advantage of, no matter how good it would make us feel.
Being the sucker makes us slaves to those that "take advantage", and we would rather be grumpy citizens than happy slaves. We'd rather be slaves to our perception of "fairness" than be free to give to those that "don't deserve".
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