%20if%20you%20have%20never%20ever%20experienced%20one.%20However%20I%20now%20believe%20that%20to%20understand%20yourself%20fully%20you%20need%20to%20experience%20a%20break%20up%20where%20you%20have%20truly%20loved%20and%20you%20feel%20as%20though%20the%20world%20will%20stop%20without%20that%20person%20in%20your%20life.Let%20me%20explain,%20one%20year%20ago%20I%20split%20up%20with%20the%20love%20of%20my%20life,%20we%20had%20been%20together%20for%20seven%20years%20in...){kind=link}
The Break Up
Break ups, unfortunately for some of us an inevitable part of life
, youre lucky (some will say) if you have never ever experienced one. However I now believe that to understand yourself fully you need to experience a break up where you have truly loved and you feel as though the world will stop without that person in your life.Let me explain, one year ago I split up with the love of my life, we had been together for seven years in total.
The year leading to the split she fell pregnant accidentally; however we were both very excited about the situation and started preparing to bring a baby into this world. We decorated and baby proofed our house and ensured that our finances and everything would be set to cope with a new life. Unfortunately early into the pregnancy she suffered from a miscarriage, apparently very common for women during their first pregnancy. As you can imagine we were both devastated by the news and I tried my hardest to be a rock for her and give my full support.
Experiencing a miscarriage with a partner is a strange thing and is still a very taboo subject to talk about, even though it is apparently very common. Friends, family and colleagues don't know what to say and generally try to avoid the subject at all cost. Occasionally you will get the wisened mother who will pull you to one side and say "I suffered a couple of miscarriages before I had my first born so try not to worry" it was comforting to know that we were not alone and that there was hope. The miscarriage unfortunately instead of driving us closer drove us apart as she found it hard to recover from the trauma.
A few months passed and finally we began to get back to our normal selves and our relationship was recovering. Then one week before my 29th birthday, I received a call from my sister "Dad's had a heart attack!"
We rushed to the hospital and to the intensive care unit where my father was being treated. I found my father very weak from the major heart attack he had suffered, but still alive, there was still hope. The doctors advised how serious this situation was and that they would do everything they could to save him.
For one of the longest weeks of my life my fianc, my two sisters, my mum and I all crowded into a waiting room in the hospital, taking it in turns to visit and comfort my father, all the time waiting for further news from the doctors.
My birthday came and no one was in the mood for celebrating as Dads condition had deteriorated over the week. The doctors asked to talk to all of us and gave us the news we feared, there was no more they could do and that we would have to turn off my fathers life support machine that evening. We all said our goodbyes to my father, I told him I loved him and thanked him for everything he had done us. My father died that evening, we were all devastated.
I was very close to my father and considered him a best friend; my fianc who lost her father when she was young was also amazingly close to my dad, so we were both reeling from his death. She became my rock as I struggled to cope with his loss.
Christmas came and was strange without Dad, a few months passed and I was still struggling. Coming home from work I would get off the train and burst into tears during the walk home, I missed him immensely.
Then shortly after Valentines Day my fianc said we needed to speak and broke the news that she no longer loved me or wanted to be with me, I was devastated and could not figure out what to do. I was grieving Dad and the loss of our child and would now lose the only person left in my life that I truly loved and that understood me; I wanted to end my life there and then.
My mind was on overdrive, all the previous events compacted into one and I now had to also think about moving out, my finances and how my life had changed forever, I felt physically and emotionally crushed I had nothing left to give and wanted the pain to stop. I cried for a few days (I'm not normally the crying type I may add) until, I guess, my survival mechanism kicked in and I started to speak to friends and family.
My friends and family helped but I didn't think they truly understood what I was going through, I was searching for answers. I tried counselling for a few sessions but again did not feel as though it helped as much as I needed.
At a loss I turned to Google for answers and typed in 'heart break and loss', so many sites appeared all with help and advice on how to recover from break ups and grieving. I was touched by reading other peoples stories and knowing that I was not alone, at times like these you can feel very isolated. The world seems to keep on turning when your own is unrecognisable. I buried myself in these sites for weeks and learnt a lot about the grieving process and how we deal with major change and trauma, it really helped me.
Looking back I think my fianc was right to have ended our relationship as I think the love had gone before she fell pregnant and that I was just settling for what I thought was a good relationship. The unfortunate circumstances acted as the catalyst to test the strength or relationship and it crumbled, it wasn't meant to be.
Going through this whole experience has changed me and made me a stronger person. It has also forced me to accept change and in doing so has made me more open minded to future change. I also now know not to just settle in a relationship for the sake of it, life's to short to just settle.
A year later and I am happier than I have been for a very long time, I am more outgoing than ever, have lost about 3 stone from the gym and have also accepted voluntary redundancy from my job in the city, I'm off to become a snowboarding instructor in Canada, life could not be more different than a year ago.
The events that happened to me are all part and parcel of life and its how we deal with these events that make us who we are. We will all suffer traumatic and turbulent times in life, but life does get better no matter how dark the path may become.
by: Mike Sheppard