The First Rule To Get Back Your Happy Marriage And Be Sure That It Stays That Way

New marriages typically start out being completely happy

, at least until the honeymoon has ended and the pixie dust wears off. There are high and low cycles in every marriage. There are periods more loving than other times. There are periods more difficult than other times. The passing of time shifts thoughts and attitudes as well as circumstances. The way a couple deals with the low times is definitely a crucial forecaster of the future of the union. Major problems arise when the down cycles are more common and last for a longer time then the up swings. During the down cycles, communication with your partner is sparse and futile. Whenever you attempt to approach your spouse, you get nothing but lies and heartache, or the basic silent treatment. This does not always mean that your spousal relationship is is over. There even now can be quite a bright future.

There can be numerous explanations for the way things have turned out. Insensitivity, work difficulties, infidelity, loss of enthusiasm, lack of awareness, and financial troubles are only a few. You could feel that you are the only one hoping to keep your relationship whole. You feel the weight of keeping your marriage together rests on your shoulders. You cannot fix this alone. It takes each partner working together to make a relationship work, and especially to restore it after it flounders.

It can be possible, even probable, that both of you are aware of your romance going down hill. Most probably both of you want to save your marriage, but neither of you know how, and neither of you realize the other has the same desires. The important question is, "How do we get our happy marriage back?"

No one wants to be in this type of sad and depressing situation. On the other hand, a large proportion of the most despairing partnerships are frequently repairable. If both partners are willing to do what must be done, their lives will be brought back to normal again. Most people do not choose to end their relationship and suffer the loss of their partner and family. Divorce proceedings are so destructive and final. Many people in situations like this, would like a time machine that could return them to their happier times. A convenient illusion, but sadly or even thankfully there are no retries at living. You possibly can learn to deal with issues differently down the road; however, you are unable to erase the past.

Never the less, there are tactics to reawaken the loving and nurturing thoughts you both once held for each other; sort of figuratively going back in time. It requires time, hard work, commitment, and determination on the part of each spouse. One spouse is not able to do this alone. It takes a cooperative effort by each partner.

Apologizing for everything, even stuff you did not do or you did not cause, will never save a failing relationship. Playing the fall guy merely exhibits weakness and dependency. Durable successful relationships cannot be developed with a weak and dependent companion. Pleading, begging, and making promises you cannot follow through with achieves absolutely nothing. Acting this way simply indicates that you do not have respect for yourself. To get your partner interested in you again, you need to love yourself to start with. You have to respect yourself to start with. Then you can show your spouse that you are someone worthy of your partner's love and respect. Peer into the mirror. When you are able to proclaim to the person looking back at you that you want to get to know him or her better, instead of turning and running, you are ready to start rebuilding your spousal relationship.

The initial step for each partner is to agree that the relationship is definitely worth preserving. The next step is for each spouse to agree to do whatever it takes in order to resuscitate the marriage. This must be the foundation of any rebuilding strategy. Next is for both partners to learn the techniques of communication. I say 'learn to communicate' because if you already knew how to communicate, you would not be in your standoffish and failing situation. The two of you need to work jointly on this communication thing. Too many times one of the spouses will attack, accuse, and holler causing the other spouse to shrink into cocoon mode by tuning out and turning off. Communication never means that the loudest talker wins. Communication is not showing you are right and your partner wrong. Communication never means one partner does all of the talking.

In situations where good communications prevail, there are no losers, only winners. Communication usually means discussing your inner thoughts and also the basis for those thoughts, in such a way your spouse wants to listen closely. Additionally, communication does mean listening to your partner talk about his emotions and his reasons for them. A good communicator understands when to shut up and listen. Also, bite your tongue if you feel the need to interrupt. Interrupting interferes with the thought processes of the speaker, and very well may be a bone of contention by itself.

Each spouse needs to listen with an open mind and accept what the other is saying. Under no circumstances, write it off as completely wrong. This does not mean you need to agree with what they are stating, but the listener must acknowledge what the other says as a start to a worthwhile discussion and repair process. Without exceptions, refrain from setting blame. If you cannot listen with objective balance, you will not understand what is worrying your mate, and your marital issues are not going to be solved.

Once the communication channels have been established between the partners, many things can be achieved. Age-old problems can be talked out and settled. New problems can be tackled and handled when they arise, and not allowed to grow into massive obstacles to love. Generally, there will always be differences between people living together, even between the members of the most loving couples. Differences do not have to be marriage busters. Minor issues do not need to be worked out and solved right away. They can be recognized for what they are and banished to a non-confrontational level. There will always be these kinds of trivial disagreements, and the two of you need to discuss options to ensure they are tolerable to both sides. Handling these trivial irritations will go a long way to maintaining a viable relationship.

Within a healthy relationship, good communication helps solve even the most challenging predicaments, and helps prevent them from ever becoming overwhelming problems.

One last bit of advice: Keep in mind that professional help is always readily available for issues that seem impossible for the two of you to take care of privately.

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by: Janette Westoria

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