The Having Space
Naturally, at the start of a new year people feel a sense of renewal and hope that what's in front of them will be better than what's behind them
. Resolutions are made and goals are set in an attempt to bottle that hope and realize long held desires.
Unfortunately for many people, the sense of hope and energy surrounding the New Year quickly fades into everyday life. Resolutions fall by the wayside and goals go unfulfilled, pushed into a mysterious future. This process of wanting yet not receiving, is repeated by millions year after year after year. Why?
During his campaign for the Presidency for the United States, Barack Obama reminded us of one of Albert Einstein's most famous statements, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result." So does that mean that the millions of people who make resolutions and struggle with the same goals (to lose weight, make more money, save more money and take a vacation, etc.) year after year are insane? Perhaps. But, rather than diagnose ninety-eight percent of the world's population with a mental illness (besides, I'm not a psychologist), I'm inclined to believe that the key to understanding why people repeatedly activate the wanting yet not receiving energy in their lives, lies in understanding our habitual nature.
Life happens automatically. Day in and day out our bodies perform a plethora of tasks like breathing, moving a limb, circulating blood, digesting food and talking without us having to consciously think about it. A habit by definition is nothing more than unconscious repetitive actions or behavior. Our bodies "natural habits" were developed to serve our greatest good. Can you imagine what it would be like if we had to consciously think about how to breathe every second of every minute of every day? You'd never get anything done. You'd be too busy trying to stay alive!
Our daily thoughts (most of them anyway) are also on automatic. And, that's a good thing, especially if you consistently feel good about who and where you are. However, habitual thoughts may hinder you if you want change in your life. Think about it, if thoughts determine your actions and your actions determine your results, then the thoughts you've been thinking up until now have gotten you exactly where you are, the place where you're asking for change. So to experience something new in any area of your life, it's imperative to replace old thought habits with new ones that support what you are seeking.
Are habitual thoughts about goal setting and success supporting or hindering you?
If you ask any good "personal success" expert, coach or trainer, what the first step to the successful achievement of anything is, I guarantee you that he or she will tell you that step one is to get clear. The protocol for doing that is to decide what you want by asking yourself, what do I want? The answers you come up with usually result in a long list of things you want to have, do and be. Your list then serves as proof of your wanting.
There's only one problem. If you've been struggling to achieve the things on your I Want List year after year, you can reasonably conclude that there is a flaw somewhere in your thinking. Remember, your thoughts are the root cause of everything you experience. Perhaps it is time to give up the I Want Asking Approach to getting clear and setting goals all together.
Change your approach. Enter The Having Space.
"I Want" is a habit. Replace it with "What do I have to give?"
A few years ago I needed money, badly. So I did what any independent thirty-something would do in a crisis. I called my mother! After about an hour listening to me cry about everything wrong in my life, she did her mom thing and gave me a really good practical solution, "you should register with a temporary employment agency". I did and my cash flow improved. But the most valuable thing I received from my work was not money. It was an idea.
The last company I worked for was going through major changes. As a result, they hired a corporate trainer to come in and ease the employees into a new culture of accountability, commitment and integrity. During a mandatory training session on how employees would be evaluated, the trainer made a statement that had a profound effect on my life. In her very relaxed yet powerful voice she said, "We expect you to give us your best". I not only heard those words, I felt them. I went back to my desk knowing a shift had occurred, my awareness opened up. All I could think about for the rest of the day was "what's my best?" By five o'clock I had my answer. It was time to stop playing small (in the accounting department) and offer my interests, passion, professional skill and propensity to communicate, to the employer I thought of as temporary. Two months later I had created a professional development workshop program I called, Make Work (Work): Strategic Planning For Every Employee, proposed it to the Director of Training and Development and made the decision to start a consulting and personal development training company of my own.
What happened? What was the shift? How was it that I was able to turn inspiring words into a tangible product and service and find the courage to propose it to corporate executives who had no idea that I had a background in professional development? Where did the audacity, confidence and commitment to follow through on my best come from that told me yes. Yes you can own a business even though you've never done anything like that before?
The best way I can explain it is to say that, in my contemplation of what was my best and how could I give that to my co-workers and employer, I stopped asking for what I wanted. Instead of being behind my goals trying to figure them out, I went to the place where they found me, The Having Space, where All That Is already exists. Where what was mine, what I already had, my interests, passion, talents, skills and authentic voice was enough.
The Having Space is where I am enough. And, so are you. Enter it NOW.
by: Gemeem Davis
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