The Key to Save Your Marriage - Keep Expectations Fair

The Key to Save Your Marriage - Keep Expectations Fair

Reasons for a marriage to go sour are many. Starting from issues like infidelity, trust, jealousy, ill-temper - the list is endless and as varied as the people themselves. But one issue that is hardly discussed is the issue of 'unmet needs' which can play havoc in a marriage and rip it apart. Therefore, if you are serious to save your marriage and have already started the process of analyzing your particular issue give some thought to the concept of having 'fair expectations'. Things are usually hunky dory during the first few years of marriage, though there could be intermittent clash of views. But over the years, the small fights become big obstacles impacting communication, expressions of love and togetherness. The critical mistake committed by most people is that they ignore such early signals. Chances are very high that the misunderstandings are arising out of frustrations resulting from 'unmet needs'. Or, to put it more aptly, both of you have very high expectations of each other. To save your marriage, here are some pointers on why and how you can keep fair expectations from each other:

Men expect:

- Their wives to be super in everything including motherhood, career, home management, financial management, beauty and looks, social skills and more.

- Their wives to 'understand and support' all that that is happening in their lives.

- Their wives to be emotionally empathetic on every issue.

Women expect:

- Their husbands to be a 'Mr. Fix-It'. There is no problem on earth that the husband cannot solve, starting from fixing the faucet to buying the most cost-effective home insurance.

- Husbands to give them company every time she is feeling lonely or left out. He is supposed to interpret all unsaid words and unexpressed feelings.

- Husbands must exactly understand the reasons for her mood swings, anger and frustration.

Over and above the three individual instances given above, there are hundreds of expectations which you might be having about your spouse. Once they are not met, your marriage is in jeopardy. To save your marriage, the best option is to keep your expectations as low and fair as possible. If you keep in mind that your spouse is also human with his or her due share of shortcomings and follies, you can easily save your marriage and prevent it from hitting the rocks. No matter how 'perfect' your spouse is, there would, at all times, be several unmet needs - either you learn to live with them or to save your marriage, try to change his or her attitudes and contributions in a gentle and unobtrusive way.

In stead of nit picking on every issue, if you can understand why he or she is behaving the way they are, you can make the job to save your marriage simpler and easier. Appreciate that there are some inherent traits in every individual which is the result of his or her upbringing, profession, lack of exposure and even his socio-economic status.

If you want to move against the current, you might drown before you save your marriage. The most intelligent thing to do in a marriage is to appreciate each other the way they are and not try to 'change the person' and then love. It is impossible to change the essential person that your spouse is. In any case, you cannot save your marriage by being impatient and having a series of unmet needs lasting a long time.

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