The Three Deadly Blunders Guys Make When Approaching Girls
The Three Deadly Blunders Guys Make When Approaching Girls
When you're not sure how to approach women the right way, you're constantly missing out on opportunities. Very few guys know how to approach women and begin the interaction in a playful, interesting way that creates a compelling motivation for girls to WANT to talk to you, and see where things lead.
When you spot a beautiful woman, you can assume that the last 29 guys who attempted to approach her -- whether it was at the bar, the supermarket, or on the street -- sent all the wrong signals. They immediately made her feel uncomfortable and caused her "force field" to go on high alert. At that point, she's going to look for a reason to end the interaction as soon as possible.
She may indulge you with a few minutes of polite conversation and then blow you off gently ("It's been nice talking to you, but I need to go find my friend"), or perhaps she'll blow you off instantly by mentioning that she has a boyfriend. Either way, when you approach women the wrong way, it's very unlikely that the conversation is going to go anywhere.
So now I want to explain the three most "lethal" mistakes that guys make when attempting to approach women, and some advce on how to avoid these mistakes and get good, consistent results.
Deadly Approach Mistake #1: Acting like you need "permission" to speak to her. When starting an interaction with a woman, never use phrases such as:
"Pardon me, would you mind telling me your name?"
"Excuse me, would you mind if I asked you something?"
"Can I buy you a drink?"
Trying to begin an interaction in this manner puts you at the woman's mercy. From her point of view, you're some random stranger who WANTS something from her. This is an uncomfortable situation for anyone to be in.
Note: Offering to buy her a drink may sound like you want to GIVE her something, but she knows what you'll expect in return: you'll want to monopolize her time for the next ten or twenty minutes. When you offer to buy a drink for a woman you don't even know, you're basically attempting to bribe her into granting you some of her time.
Would a truly confident guy approach women this way? No way. There's a correct point in the interaction to buy a girl a drink, and a clever way of doing it -- and it's certainly not in the first 30 seconds.
One of the rules of effective conversation is for you to stay in control at all times. You maintain the "power position" and dictate the flow of the conversation and the topics that are discussed (and avoided). The key is to do this subtly. You can learn how to "invisibly" guide the conversation so that you make her laugh, experience positive emotions, and share personal details (such as her talents, goals and passions) that she'd normally never share with a guy she only met a few minutes ago.
This is when women begin to feel attraction, and you're on your way to success.
The first key to maintaining this sense of power and control is NOT starting the conversation in a weak, uncertain manner. And once of the weakest ways to begin a conversation is to ask permission to talk to her. Never ask permision. Assume that she'll be totally interested in meeting you.
Deadly Approach Mistake #2: Not assuming rapport. When two people have "rapport" it means they're comfortable with each other and have things in common. They're talking to each other as if they've been friends forever -- playing around, laughing, chatting about topics of common interest instead of the conversation sounding like a job interview.
When a guy with weak approach game starts conversing with a woman, the "conversation" seems stiff and formal and usually consists of questions: "So what's your name?" "Are you from around here?" "So what do you do for work?" Etc. He could be having this same conversation with his dentist!
On the other hand, the guy who is awesome with women always assumes rapport. These guys don't see any need to waste time asking a bunch of dreary questions about where she's from, has she been to this place before, etc. From the beginning, he's playing around with her (as if he's known her for a lot longer than he really has) -- teasing her in a playful way, asking fun questions, telling short little stories that demonstrate his VALUE and make her smile and view him in a positive way.
He makes her feel invested in the conversation, and she'll want to show that she can keep up with him. Even within the space of the first few minutes of conversation, this guy is showing her that he's an interesting, dynamic guy who clearly has a lot of OPTIONS, He leads an attractive lifestyle, and she's going to want to be a part of it.
Deadly Approach Mistake #3: Not having a conversational game plan and a closing strategy. Most guys put way too much emphasis on what to say first (or how to "open" her). Actually, how you FOLLOW UP your opener is of much greater importance -- how you transition into the conversation and get it flowing. At that point, you can use a variety of techniques including Cold Reads, Hooks & Ladders, and Hypothetcials to make sure you NEVER "run out of steam" during the conversation.
In short, you've got to know how to keep guiding the conversation forward so that it follows a sequence of steps that push her different "emotional buttons." For example, building comfort is a really important early step. No woman is going to want to give you her phone number (much less sleep with you that night) if you haven't made her feel comfortable with you. This is why learning the right comfort-building techniques is so important.
Once you have established comfort, you'll want to start challenging her & teasing her (but always in a light, playful way). This is the stage where you frame yourself as a high-value man who is "hard to get." You're going to make her work for your attention and positive feedback, and make her want to measure up to YOUR standards. (This is the complete opposite of how most guys interact with women, as they awkwardly try to demonstrate that they're up to HER standards.)
Then comes the Escalation stage, and finally there is The Close. Depending on the circumstances, this could mean getting her phone number (and having her WANT to see you again soon, rather than ignoring your calls), or taking her home that night. Unfortunately, VERY few guys really know how to "close" a girl the right way.
Learning how to approach women and follow these steps means the difference between meeting new women from time to time, but never getting the chance to sleep with them -- or ever seeing them again -- and having the "rock star sex life" that most men can only fantasize about, leading a lifestyle filled with hot, exciting women.
It means that literally anytime you leave your home -- whether it's to run errands, or to hit a bar or nightclub with your friends -- you'll be on the lookout for new opportunities to approach women and have fun interactions, instead of this being something you shy away from, or stress out over.
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