The Year of the Clown (3)
The Year of the Clown (3)
The Year of the Clown (3)
Classroom Lessons
Dreaming was a real time of learning for me and frequently I found myself in a classroom. I came to believe that the angels and saints used the dream time to guide us and teach us life's lessons.
I was in a class of some kind. The instructor gave us a mimeographed sheet. She was assigning definitions and I was high-lighting them in yellow. The second was TRUST. I was provoked that we would have to define such a simple term. Everyone knew what that meant. I wanted to be really challenged. There was an assignment of gathering pictures. I had missed some and was trying to fill in while we ate. One was of a bowling team, another of a girl on a bicycle. These seemed the less important ones which I still needed.
Upon awakening, I realized that knowing what the word trust meant and practing it was very different. The pictures we were to gather were real life pictures and life practices seemed to be the aim of the lesson.
Another everning, I was watching a delightful little old lady in a wheel chair who was guiding her brother and siser. Her brother came from behind and put his hand over her forehead. I marveled at their delightfully sparking eyes and smiley faces.
This figure became the symbol of the ideal grandmother within, one who had led a life of service and was therefore filled with happiness and joy. She became a symbol of wisdom, that which is gained fromn life experiences. In retsrospect, I would call her the crone.
The SilverShip
I call this my "rite of passage" dream since it marks my movement toward being truly self-directed. I have always been happy with the outconme of the dream, yet I also realized the sense of loneliness my choice would bring, a loneliness that was necessary for growth.
I was in a beautiful forest where all kinds of animals were coning. Little bird-like chicks came out of the grass and I helped them along. A man came in carryng a tray upon which were six circular pins, one of which I could choose as reward for my work in the prison. Two were plastic roses, three were plastic angels ands one was a silver ship. A sister, named John, dressed in complete black habit stood bymy side and told me to take the roses. Without reply, I reached over and took the SILVER SHIP.
Ifelt that the dream was saying that I chose something of value over that of lesser value and that I had made a choice that was unique in alll the world. The words of ee. cummings became very meaningful to me: "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting"
The Marriage
Soon I was having dreams which referred back to the lessons and helped me put ee cummings quotation into practice.
I was going to get married on the advice of a very close friend without even seeing the man. Then I had a dream (within a dream) about how stupied this would be. I even thought that perhaps it would be illicit. I went to my friend to tell her. When I met the man, I had her tell him first that the marriage was off. He hadblue veins in his cheeks. It didn't seem to register with him and I told him how terrible it would be when I yell at him . He was pleased with my temper.
I really was not comfortable with being angry and I frequently kept my Irish temper from speaking out in my words. I was now being challenged to look more closely at this anger and either accept it or direct it in acceptable channels. Even to this day, I work at bing able to accept that I am angry about certain situations. I was also very pleased with the symbol of marriage as it is the symbol used for completion or wholeness. At least in the dream I was considering such a union.
A few nights later, I was called upon to use an opportunity to practice that trustof which I had dreamed.Mom had a dream tht we would have car trouble on a curve and that we would be killed by a passing vehicle. I was expecting my throat to be cut. We started out on the cloveleaf as a large truck-like red train pulled to the right to let us pass. We then waited for death. I leaned against Mom clearing my neckcalmly andpatiently. Thelarge vehicle passed. It seemed quite long. I waited for soething to happen, but nothing came to pass. We returned home telling others of the dream, the car trouble and that the LORD HAD PROTECTED US!
Another evening there was a chance to practice controlling the anger: I was practing guitar with a group of small children and their teacher. I asked if we could go over the music again. She said, "Definitely, no!" I realized that this was a direcxtive from the principal. I picked up my guitar, sadly lamenting my waste of time in coming to the classroom. I said, "Oh, sweet humility!" Then I left without becoming angry and seemingly in great peace and happiness.. Upon awakening I decided that if I could do these things in a dream, I could do them in real life. I was amazed at how my dreams were working hand in hand with my life situations.
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