Understanding As A Result Of Conflict
When Roger, Ramona, and their kids came in for counseling
, I asked their son, Travis, what he was feeling and thinking when his folks had their big blow up in the car. He glared at me, then, at his dad, then back at me as if to say, "Do I have to? I nodded.
Then empowered by the memory of that heated exchange, he explained that he, too, thought they were all going to be killed that night. He even pictured them dying on a hospital gurney.
"Would you share that with your dad?
"I just did! he retorted.
"No, look at him and in a gentle, respectful way, tell your dad about your own fears.
As if coached by his mom, he took a deep breath and said, "Dad, I thought we were all going to die that night. Man, I was scared stiff!
I wish I could have video taped Rogers face. His normal self-defensiveness melted. In a quiet, sincere voice he said, "Im sorry, I . . . I didnt know you were so scared. I just thought you wanted to fight, too. I wasnt thinking! All I heard was disrespect. I didnt know you were afraid. Then, as if cued by God, he said, "I guess I did not understand.
Conflict, when channeled appropriately, can lead to a deeper understanding between believers and could potentially serve as a basis for a positive change. This could usher in the peace you so deeply desire.
Understand. There is a very penetrating verse that addresses that word. At the end of his life the Apostle Peter, having been a husband and an apostle, revealed a relational key for the home in general and marriage in particular: "You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered (I Peter 3:7).
And what if we dont? Simple. Your "Christian home, family, marriage could disintegrate before your very eyes just like those who do not claim to be believers. Your status as a believer does not invalidate sins law of cause and effect. The Apostle Paul, writing to believers, sternly warns, "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap (Gal. 6:7). But conflict and anger can bring about deeper understanding and appropriate positive change if you are mature enough to be teachable and make the change.
I wish that Jesus disciples had pooled all their insight on marriage and the family and combined it in one New Testament book. How much simpler it would have been for all of us. Husbands are commanded to live with their wives in a knowledgeable, intelligent way. One small problem: often we do not know that way so we experience conflict. Now we can welcome conflict as a friend if it helps us to learn our mates needs and enable us to grow in understanding of them. Under the guidance of Gods Holy Spirit, we can make the appropriate changes.
by: Dr. Chuck Lynch
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