Unraveling the Turn of My Journey

Unraveling the Turn of My Journey

Unraveling the Turn of My Journey

Dear Diary,

For a long time I have contemplated suicide. I am not suicidal, that is what I say to myself, it is what saves me from fatally. Where the phone has failed, friends have failed and family is in the mere usage of the word. I often wonder, how is it possible for a human being to never have an ability to do anything? I believe the answer is grounded in the hypocrisy of ones mortal soul. As I delve into the idea of debase, I pity the human being whose course is to follow in the path of my footsteps. Emptiness will not fulfill the matters of the heart. I lay stricken to the tune of authority. A melody that denotes my lack to accomplish in the successes of the lesser. Why I have fallen to such great lengths? Only time will tell, and I await and wait, for the answer. Listen to the loud voices in my head unraveling the turn of my journey. There was a time, I thought there was someone out there for me. He recognized me, that I know for sure. It was what has preceded my existence that led him astray. How astonished to know that I am merely untamed debris, as I recall. My heart sustains warmth for this man today, and to know his warmth towards me heats passions of disdain against the desires of my heart. It leaves me incomprehensible, distraught, without hope. Amaze is in how needed I am in this world. My flame is to abide another's insecurities. Yes, I contemplate suicide as I struggle to find a need to be, for myself. Of the awards I have received from my youth, merit honors the desolate, non-constituent I have become. I have past the prime of my life without a dominant male figure to help shape the inner woman. For this reason, the female gender excuses me from their fidelity, as incomplete. Without having a place in the world in which I am brought, I hold no boundaries as I am bound to commonplace in lack of standards appreciation. Pity does not arise in solitude, progress forbears the yearning of the heart. If one might attain, I should. Let new beginnings explore all that is to be seen to enlighten fondness that engages my heart and soul.

From yours truly,

Best Friend

Seharreh closed her diary and placed it on the nightstand. She steps in front of her bedroom mirror to peruse her body. Years ago, her body threw her into a frenzy. A gangly frame, small breasts, oversized stomach, skinny arms and legs is a wicked defect that keeps her as a misfit in society, and with men. Once over the age of forty, truth slaps you hard in the face. I lost several job opportunities because the employer felt I was too old or an eyesore that would cost them revenue in loss profits. Today, meditation helps me to channel positive energy in life's expos. A technique she acquired on one of her many retreats to soul search. Next to writing in her diary, retreats place second when she is running to seek refuge. Seharreh glances at her attire. As usual, she is well kempt, not a string out of place. Her dress accentuates to alter her physical form into figure flattery. She checks her watch in notice that she has less than thirty minutes to get to the mall before her appointment. Finally, I have come to a decision to be nice to myself. Her appointment with the nutritionist is to help her to maintain proper health, and to better compete in life. After all, success starts with a proper diet, with any luck, I hope to gain another fifteen pounds, Seharreh thought.

Seharreh grabs her car keys from the dresser and walks out of the apartment. As she approaches the car, she thought to herself, I am a winner, and today is another winning day.

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