Varieties of infidelity

Varieties of infidelity

Varieties of infidelity

Statistics on affairs aren't good it's said that half the people who are in marriages have at least one during the course of the relationship. Infidelity is so common that most of the courts in this country don't even take it into consideration as grounds for divorce or in consideration for property settlements (there are some exceptions check your local state laws). However, just because it's common doesn't mean it isn't traumatic.There are varieties of infidelity; this article is about sexual and emotional infidelity in a monogamous relationship. Some distinction should be drawn between adultery and infidelity. Adultery concerns the religious and legal aspects of marriage. Infidelity is a secret relationship outside the primary relationship involving lies to avoid a partner's anticipated objection. Although sexual infidelity is the most common, many spouses complain of emotional infidelity which involves flirtation or furtive sexual innuendo, but no intercourse.

The betrayal of trust and the accompanying lies are probably the most difficult aspects a spouse must deal with. The lies create disorientation for the betrayed spouse caused by the desire of the unfaithful spouse to avoid confrontation and the unavoidable unpleasantness that follows revelation of an affair. As the betrayed spouse, you likely think you're going crazy because you "feel" something is wrong; however, because your spouse is denying it you're left in the purgatory of conflicting feelings.Surviving infidelity is an act of courage. Survival can take various courses: you may elect to stay together with your spouse/partner and try to work out the underlying issues, or you may elect to leave the relationship. If you're trying to work out your relationship, I hope you're doing it with professional help. I don't know too many couples that can work through serious issues on their own. If the relationship is over and you're on your own, individual counseling certainly wouldn't hurt. However, there are some things you can do for yourself:

Journal your feelings. This serves to get your emotions out of yourself and onto something tangible paper or computer screen. If you're newly raw, I recommend writing by hand with old-fashioned pen and paper which helps to physically discharge pent up energy. Keep this up until you feel "empty", which may be a while. Be patient with yourself this takes time.

Expect a gamut of emotions, among them anger, sadness, futility, despair, rage, depression, guilt and probably no small amount of self-pity. Be kind to yourself and let those feelings be there. Experiencing feelings is something many people run from, which isn't healthy. Own your feelings. The sooner you do, the sooner they'll depart.

If you've been betrayed by an infidelity, know that it is terribly unfair. Also know that your future is in your hands and what you do next will affect the rest of your life, not to mention your family's. If you're still in the relationship, as difficult as it may seem, try your best not to react from a platform of anger. Convey your hurt but don't lash out. The person at fault has no doubt lied to avoid your anger and will continue to duck it as much as possible. Open up a dialogue for the purpose of either repairing the relationship or moving on. If your relationship is over and you're still hurting, get help to resolve the left over issues. And take heart, you're not alone.

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