Violations By The Plaintiff When Fighting A Restraining Order - What To Do About Your Ex-wife

When you're fighting a restraining order that's been filed against you as part of

a divorce custody battle, the last thing you might think could happen is that the plaintiff (your ex) harasses YOU in return. You might not even be able to come up with a reason why your ex would contact you if she's gone to the effort to get a lawyer and attend a court hearing. But make no mistake: because of the increasing number of cases where a father is fighting a restraining order as part of manipulative "divorce tactics", there is no end to the legal strategies which can be employed by an ex determined to make your life hell.

This article aims to briefly explain why these strategies are used, and provides some defense moves which you can use to counter the legal assault whilst fighting a restraining order.

First of all, when your ex files a restraining order and the court grants it against you, in 99% of cases the father is totally unprepared. Legally, the first you are informed about the case is when you are served papers informing you of its terms - this is after an "ex parte" hearing has taken place which you don't need to attend or be told about. You will, however, be given a date to attend a second court hearing so you can argue the allegations against you (and, if you convince the judge that the restraining order complaint is phony, you may stop it becoming a permanent one).

As far as your ex is concerned, the benefits of this strategy start there - she will usually be granted increased maintenance payments in the short term, be given full child custody, and if you are in a handful of professions she may end up getting you fired (police officers, security personnel, and hazardous material truckers are all unable to perform their daily duties since one of the restrictions of the order is that you're not near harmful materials).

Despite the power that this temporary restraining order has over your life, there are ways in which you can help your own defense even if she continues to play hardball by contacting YOU. I'll be honest - to win a custody battle whilst fighting a restraining order takes a lot of time and patience. If you choose to employ a family lawyer, it will cost a lot of money. But there is basic defense mechanisms which fathers fail to stick to, needlessly endangering their custody case. I've some advice out below which sums up the important elements.

1. Keep a journal.

You should be noting down every time she contacts you whilst the restrictions of the restraining order are active. Dates, times, locations. Make sure you include details of witnesses too. This way, you'll have factual data with which to defend your name if she continues to allege abuse or reports you for a violation. One small tip is to keep the journal factual, though - it could be used as evidence by her legal team if the journal contents are the target of a subpoena.

2. Know the restraining order's exact restrictions.

Paperwork will detail the standard restrictions which apply in your state when you are served the restraining order. If something isn't clear, you need to ask the server (usually a police officer or local county sheriff) for clarification. If they don't know something, or are unhelpful, contact the filing court directly - they'll be used to dealing with queries like yours.

For example, did you know that when you are served a restraining order, your gun access rights are withdrawn? The servers will confiscate any weapons or licenses from your home. But, even more than that - you are not allowed to be near firearms for the duration of the order. If you go drinking at a buddy's house and he has a gun collection, your ex can have you arrested for violating a restraining order restriction just because you were in the same house as the guns.

3. Stick by the restraining order rules at all times.

As harsh as some of the restrictions may be, the only way to win your custody battle is to play the legal game. Stay away from her, don't call or send anything in the post. If you're fighting a restraining order and you ex violates it herself, it doesn't entitle you to break any of its terms in the eyes of the law. I'll give you an example of what I mean by this:

You're in the local supermarket when you bump into your ex. She walks over to you and starts shouting abuse. She blocks the exit to the store by standing in your way.

According to a restraining order's restrictions, what you need to do in that situation is to leave the store when you first see her - immediately. But if she causes a violation in the order terms, and you can prove you've done everything within your power to comply with the rules, the court will usually listen to your side of things. This is why it's important to get the names of witnesses, the exact time and date to retrieve CCTV footage, and so on.

One last tip is to remember that your own personal rights aren't voided by fighting a restraining order. If in the above example there was enough justification to say you felt threatened, you should call the police immediately and explain what's happened. Whilst your ex does have control over your life right now, she can't take away your basic rights.

by: Adam J. Jenkins

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