Ways To Get Over Infidelity
Ways To Get Over Infidelity
Ways To Get Over InfidelityOf all of the topics that I write about regarding affairs and infidelity, moving on, getting over it, and healing are the most common topics that I'm asked about. People want to know how to do this because they don't want to continue to live their lives with this type of pain, doubt, and difficulty. Many people tell me that finding out that their spouse has been unfaithful was the most difficult and painful thing that they have ever been through. People often will tell me that even the death of their parents did not shake them as much as finding out that their spouse has cheated.
Since this is so very painful, most people know that it's in their best interest to find a way to get over this once and for all. No one wants for this one unfortunate decision to follow them around for the rest of their lives. And, believe it or not, it's my experience that the majority of people really do want to save their marriages after infidelity. Many people just do not want to throw away the marriage that they worked so hard to build over one false decision.
But, this can be easier said than done. No matter what the intentions are, many people just can't seem to move on for good. They take a few step forwards, become hopeful, and then wake up one day filled with anger and doubt. So, they step back again. A few weeks later, they will think that they are on the up turn again, only to be thwarted by images of their partner in the other person which brings the same pain that it brought in the beginning. This can become the most frustrating cycle imaginable.
But you often can put an end to it. Patience, hard work, and some skill is required. But many people do come through this eventually. I will discuss this more in the following article.
To Really Get Over Infidelity, You Have To Find A Way To Stop Your Repetitive And Destructive Thoughts: Most people have serious issues of thoughts and images of their spouse and the other person running through their head. So, they will do a lot of good work and make a lot of good progress, only to be thwarted by these thoughts which can bring them right back to where they started.
So, to have the greatest chance for success, you will want to focus on ending this cycle. One way to do this is by responding with something pleasurable whenever these thoughts come so that eventually you begin to associate this with positive emotions and come to dread this less. When you can do this, the thoughts begin to have fair less control over you and you should begin to experience them less and less.
For example, I finally got to the point where I would begin to walk around the block with my dog or work out when these thoughts begin to invade their way into my brain. The repetitive physical activity which required my concentration helped to force out the thoughts. And, knowing that I was improving myself and my situation reinforced the positive emotions and thoughts. Eventually, I was almost relieved when the thoughts came because I knew that they would lead to me doing something for myself.
Eventually, the thoughts no longer had the same power over me and, over time, they lessened so that they really don't come all that much any more. On the rare occasions that they do, I see them for what they are and I move on.
You'll Also Need To Understand What Went Wrong And Make The Necessary Changes: Probably one of the biggest steps in getting over infidelity is removing the doubts. It's very hard to move forward in a meaningful way when you are always worried that you will have to deal with this again. So, it's very important that, should you want to save your marriage, you work with your spouse to figure out what went wrong and then not only fix it, but also to put safeguards in place to ensure you don't have to worry about it happening again. This is the only way to remove the doubt that can really sabotage and thwart you.
Building Up Your Self Esteem So That You Genuinely Believe That You, And Your Marriage, Can Be Better Than It Was Before: The real key to getting over infidelity is having something worthwhile to look forward to and believe in. If you can get your marriage to a very favorable place where you are happy and fulfilled, then you will not have any need to continue to dwell in dark places. And one thing that is often required to get to this place is to build up your self esteem, which has likely taken a huge hit.
Because the truth is, even if your spouse tells you that they made a mistake that they won't repeat and that they still love, desire, and are committed to you, if you do not have the confidence to believe it, then you will always have those sabotaging doubts. It's so important to do whatever is necessary to strengthen both yourself and your marriage. Both of these things work together and rely upon the other. Without one, the other is always going to struggle and this is not what you want or need.
There was a time when I thought I would never get over my husband's affair, but this is in the past. Although I never would've believed this two years ago, my marriage is stronger. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I no longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/