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What Is Emotional Infidelity?

Emotional infidelity is when a person becomes emotionally involved with someone of the opposite sex who is not his or her spouse or partner

. Those who commit it, intentionally or unintentionally, usually argue that the relationship doesnt mean anything because nothing happened.

However, its actually a very serious problem that can irrevocably destroy marriages. What makes it even more difficult is that it is not as easy to spot as when your spouse gets sexually involved with another person, because there is actually proof in that situation. Emotional infidelity is a completely different affair, but it is no less damaging.

The reason why it is considered cheating is because all of the emotional investment has shifted from the spouse to another person. More often than not, it involves dishonesty and deception on the part of the one committing emotional infidelity.

For example, if a husband just got off from a long phone call and his wife asks who it was, he would evasively answer that it was a guy from work. While it was indeed someone from the office, the conversation was far from business-like, as he talked about personal matters with a woman from work who he is becoming increasingly involved with.


A relationship isnt just about sexual intimacy. What really makes a couple truly involved with each other is the emotional connection they have with each other. If that position is somehow usurped by another person, its already a red flag on the status of the relationship.

You might argue that its not really emotional infidelity; you just happen to be really close with your best friend of the opposite sex. However, friendship is different from an emotional affair. The latter requires more emotional involvement with another person, and does not respect the boundaries that the latter has.

Your so-called best friend ends up replacing the role that your spouse previously occupied. You might say youre just going out for a drink with someone from the office just to unwind, but once you swap stories with that person that should rightly be shared with your spouse, then you are teetering on the edge of emotional infidelity.

To know if you or your spouse is toeing the line with emotional infidelity, look out for signs of guilt. Someone who is becoming emotionally unfaithful starts to be secretive about the things he or she does, such as keeping mum about his or her phone calls and suddenly setting up passwords on his or her computer.

A spouse who is doing nothing wrong will not feel the need to hide things from his or her spouse. Disengagement is also another sign of emotional infidelity. If you notice your spouse pulling away from you and somehow became a stranger without your knowing it, then thats a red flag.


The two big signs are emotional disengagement and secretive behavior. If your significant other is pulling away from you, becoming distant or hostile, this is a big sign.

Likewise, if they are acting suspiciously, hiding phone calls and emails, avoiding questions and just generally acting like they have a secret, this is a sign. The reason for this distance is because he or she is no longer looking in your direction for the emotional support he or she is craving for.

You need to nip emotional infidelity in the bud before it progresses into something deeper, and more damaging to your relationship. While this may be difficult to do, you need to be alert so that you would be able to prevent further deterioration in your relationship with your spouse.

by: Dale L. McClure
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