What to Do When the Relationship is Over

What to Do When the Relationship is Over

What to Do When the Relationship is Over

A wise person once observed that man's rejection is God's projection. The breakup of a relationship may be God's way of sweeping a loser out of your life to make room for a winner. Of course, when your beloved first steps off you're not trying to hear that. The sense of loss we experience is similar to the death of a loved one. You may go through stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, bargaining with God in some cases, and finally acceptance. The tips below can help you pave the way for peace:

Give voice to anger. You must acknowledge it for healing to begin. Cry. Slam your fists on the bed. Share your feelings with a person who has your back.

Look Within. When a breakup happens, we're desperate to know whyand they may not tell. We may question ourselves endlessly. Was it our fault? Was it theirs? Was there someone else? In truth, there may be no reason or several-it doesn't matter. Don't speculate on something you have no information on, but do take an honest look at yourself. Take the focus off them and put it on you: Who are you-and who were you being with them? Do the two match up? In your heart of hearts, were they really good for you? Was the give-and-take balanced, or did you sacrifice too much? Did you compromise your values? Your safety? Your spirit? If you weren't true to yourself, you may have hastened the breakup in a way you can't (or don't want to) see.

Recommit to loving yourself. Self-esteem means that I honor all the little idiosyncrasies, dreams and goals that make me me. If we stopped doing certain things because a partner didn't like to do them, we must reclaim this missing part of ourselves. We also need to stay close with loving family and friends, whether we're in a relationship or not.

Avoid the I'm nothing without them' myth. The truth is that there are many good men and women who are alone and who long for mates. We're not unique and we don't deserve ridicule. We must talk one another through our fear of being alone, maintain a journal or seek therapy so that fear doesn't drive our decisions.

Focus on growth. As we meet potential mates, we must recognize the ways our values may have evolved, as well as the boundaries we need others to respect. If we were, say, too passive, we need to negotiate better terms for ourselves.

Find the gift. We know we've begun to move on when we can identify what being with that other person has taught us. Maybe we learned patience or to drive a stick shift or to stop cussing. Maybe we learned that we never want to be involved with a person like them again, and we'll be on the alert for the offensive qualities in the future. Even if it feels [as if the lessons were] all negative in the long run you'll be able to thank this person.

Copyright 2011 Danielle Wise All rights reserved. You are free to use this article in part or full provided you include the author bio and a live website link.

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