When Is It Time To Give Up Control?

When Is It Time To Give Up Control?

When Is It Time To Give Up Control?

I heard a story once that illustrates how fear of the unknown can inhibit the ability to get past a setback when it means releasing control and trusting something other than what is already known. Imagine this and see if it sounds familiar? The story is told of a man who rode in his car while it was being towed to be repaired. When they arrived at the repair shop, the tow truck driver told him, "I didn't think I was going to make it up that big hill." The man replied, "I didn't either. That's why I kept the brakes on so we wouldn't roll backwards." The unfortunate thing about this story is that it illustrates a pattern of behavior where control, anxiety, and fear can disable attempts to navigate through problems.

It is easy to look at this guy in the story and see what he was doing and how it affected the outcome of trying to tow his car. However, while in the middle of a crisis, it is hard is to identity how the same behavior affects the ability to make good decisions?

It is hard to think clearly and make good decisions when in the midst of a crisis. Instead of changing the way situations are managed when a crisis presents, the tendency is to increase the grip of control which can restrict momentum in a positive direction. When problems, changes, and challenges occur fear is internalized about a loss of control and anxiety occurs. The result is that there is the impulse to tighten the grip results control circumstances. Unfortunately, the harder that change is resisted, the more difficult it is to manage things as they escalate--control results in a loss of control. The question that this behavior raises is where does this response come from? The answer is that sometime that prolonged circumstances and inflexibility to change results in distorted perceptions about what is happening and how response should be given. A result is that it sets off a domino effect that riddles down to everything and everybody that is connected to that single issue that is trying to be controlled.

Fear of releasing control disables the controller and everyone connected to the behavior. In an organizational culture control, fear, and being indecisive at the moment when a change strategy needs to occur cripples the person in control, but also impacts everyone and everything that is organically related to the behavior. Imagine the frustration of the tow truck driver who was trying to perform a service and give assistance when he understood that the individual that he was trying to tow was behaving in a way that disabled him from being successful at his work? It is a truth that behavior has an effect upon what individuals are doing, but also everyone who is working to achieve, and those who are trying to help. Instead of accepting help, the controller holds on tighter and puts a strain on everything in the system. Could it be that when control is released and others are empowered that it can bring success and result in what is really desired from the person who is holding back progress? A lesson to be learned is that when control and fear are in charge that the outcome results in behavior that disables a positive outcome-- in reality it predicts failure.

The unfortunate response of holding on to a distorted belief that is incongruent with reality is that results in behaviors which defeat instead of helping. One of the important things that everyone needs is a network of mature, balanced, and well rounded people who can provide a balanced way of looking at what is happening. Otherwise the need to hang on to things that may be distorted by how they are understood may result in failure because of a self-defeating response. If you are interested in success, it may be that an evaluation of behaviors from someone else who can be objective may provide helpful information that can enable releasing the brake and embracing empowering behaviors that can help us to be successful at getting up the hill. Try trusting someone close to you who is trying to help you if you will let go and listen.

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