Forgiveness is divine right? Then why can't I forgive my wife for cheating
? Sunday school lessons on forgiveness are often strictly limited to stolen baseball cards or skinned knees. You know, small stuff that is fairly easily forgiven in the grand scheme of things.
Larger acts of forgiveness are generally limited to divinity or those who are larger than life. You're told you should forgive but never taught how to forgive. Whenever questions about hard hitting forgiveness topics are broached you are referred to examples.
Why is this?
People find it hard to forgive. There aren't any great "how to" lessons on the topic. It's something that every man, woman, and child will have to work out for him or herself.
It isn't easy. It isn't neat and clean.
It's messy and sticky and sometimes it doesn't go perfectly on the first try. You have to really get in there and try over and over again until you know you've done it and the past can remain safely buried in the past so that you can all look forward to the future once again.
You aren't the only one who has a hard time with forgiveness but here are a few thoughts you might want to keep in mind.
1) Asking for forgiveness from others is a great way to learn about forgiveness. When other people forgive you, you get the opportunity to see how they do it. If you want to forgive your wife for cheating on you, maybe it's time to ask her to forgive you for a few small (or not so small as the case may be) things. Learn from her fine example and enjoy the pleasure of her forgiveness. You win in two ways.
2) Forgiveness is not a one time act. It's a conscious decision to keep going forward. It would be nice if the act of forgiveness completely erased something from our minds but then it wouldn't be so difficult. The hard part (and most rewarding) comes when you choose to continue offering forgiveness day in and out.
3) Maybe she doesn't act as though she wants your forgiveness. Sometimes it's hard to forgive someone because they really don't seem to want your forgiveness. This doesn't mean that she doesn't want it she just may not yet think she deserves it. She may not even know what she wants yet. If this is the case in your relationship, give her a little time to figure things out.