Why Kids Lie - How Parents Can Help Them To Tell The Truth
The most common reason for young children to lie is to avoid punishment
. This is especially true if the punishment is harsh or the parents have unrealistic expectations.
When your pre-schooler tells a fib, do not get upset and assume it is a matter of morality and character. Instead it is a stage of growth.
Telling a lie is your child's way of getting what he wants, which is pretty normal.You will have to guide and direct his behavior to tell the truth and be honest.
By the time a child reaches 4 or 5 they usually know the difference between telling the truth and lying. They recognize that telling the truth is what is expected of them.
So, in most instances, they tend to tell the truth and when they aren't it is pretty obvious to the listener. It is not until they get older that they are able to be capable of reading the listener body and facial language and know when their story is being doubted.
Little kids are often easy to catch in a lie. Sometimes, they don't really understand what is allowed and so try to make their parents happy. They are not sophisticated enough to understand the body language and facial expressions that give them away.
How Parents Deal With Lies
When responding to young children, it is best to focus on the feelings rather than the facts. "It really would be exciting to have a new puppy. We both wish you did have one, but you don't right now. Why don't you tell me what would be the best part of having a new puppy?"
At this age they begin to understand the effects of "stories" on other people and to grasp body language of when they are not believed.
Stories and Tall Tales
A common scenario that child care providers share is a child who habitually tells "tall tales" and refuses to back down, even when the teacher talks about wishful thinking vs. reality.
Continual lies, blaming others and circumstances may indicate a need to get to the reason for telling lies, rather than the truth.
Many times that child has a low sense of self esteem and is using fabrication in order to build himself up in the eyes of his peers and teachers.
Help kids tell the truth
If lying is an on going concern, here are some methods that have worked well with other parents and caring adults who work with children.
Remain calm, and speak in a firm but kind voice. A scolding may result in more lying.
Don't punish him for telling the truth and then expect him to be forthcoming again.
Help him see the difference between behavior and who he is. Many young children think good people do good things and bad people do bad things. Rather than admit to having made a mistake and being labeled a bad person, he will fib.
Give him an opportunity to make amends for the mistake.
Express confidence in his ability to make correct choices. For instance, "I am surprised that you didn't come right up and tell us what happened. You are usually so good about always telling the truth. I am confident that next time you will remember to make the right choice.
Meet his need for attention by giving him a hug, gently squeeze on his arm or pat on the back to indicate that everything is alright.
If you are concerned with why your kids tell lies, and want to help them to tell the truth, you will try these methods. Be sure to leave a comment on blog at
http://AskAuntieArtichoke.com. You can claim your free eBook on Using Encouraging Words. You will be glad you did.
by: Albert Brendel
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