Why We Associate Pain with Relationships - The Little Prince Series
If someone no longer wants you in their life in an intimate way
, why would you want to be there?
Why is it so painful for us when someone doesn't enjoy our company any longer and wants to be apart from us?
A statement in the television series The Tudors offers us insight into the reason.
Catherine, the first wife of Henry VIII, says as the king seeks to divorce her, "If I had to choose between extreme happiness and extreme sorrow, I would always choose sorrow."
The reason we hurt so intolerably at such times is that ourego is bruised, while at the same time what Eckhart Tolle calls our "pain-body" has sprung to life.
We fight whatis, just as Catherine does with Henryto her detriment.
It doesn't mean that what's happening is ideal. Butit is what it is, and resistance doesn't help one whit.
The Little Prince has had a falling out with the love of his life, the rose that lives on his asteroid. Utterly frustrated with her, he has packed his bags and left.
When we first begin to be conscious in the way we live our life, it doesn't automatically reflect in relationships that are just hunky dory.
To be able to be close to anotherespecially in a romantic relationship, but also in any kind of relationship such as with family or a friendshiptakes the development of ourauthentic self, a process that onlybegins with awakening.
We have to learn how to be who we are, then maintain this in close proximity to another without losing ourselves and without become angry or withdrawing.
We have to discover the joy of our own being, which has never left us since we came into the world and never will.
Henry VIII's wife Catherine continues, "For when you are happy, you forget about spiritual things. You forget about God. But in your sorrow he is always with you."
This is certainly how the vast majority have understood the divine down through the centuries, associating God with suffering, deprivation, denying ourselves, and going without. God is also commonly linked to seriousness, sadness, and sorrow.
It's true that the divine is present with us in suffering. We can never be separate from the divine.
But when we are fully present in each moment of life, enjoying it immensely, we arebeing divine. We are God in self-manifestation.
Divine presence is experienced in its mostintense form in our love of life and our joy.
When we imagine that suffering and sorrow somehow please God, we are being driven not by consciousness but by our pain-body.
A great deal of so-called spirituality is a manifestation of the pain-body instead of a celebration of the divine joy.
The pilot is noticing a sadness in the Little Prince. He wonders where this come from, not knowing about his life in the skies and his love of a certain rose.
The Prince has been reluctant to talk about his experiences. Every time the pilot asks, it's as if he doesn't hear the question. They talk about the pilot's concerns.
There's a huge difference between wallowing in our pain-body and missing someone we value immensely and would love to be with.
The Little Prince is missing his sweetheart forwho she is.
Catherine, wife of Henry VIII, isn't missing the king for who he is in himself but is attached to the concept of her marriage to him and her queenship.
When we are drowning in our pain-body, we are so filled with self-pity that we can't actually feel for the other. We don't missthem, we miss the effect they have on us.
The heart of this issue is that we aren't aware of our true being, which can never feel any lack or neediness.
We have forgotten who we are in our essence, which means we seek areflectedsense of ourselves from another person.
Weborrow feeling good.
So it is that so many of us hurt, and hurt, and hurt.
The answer lies in the rediscovery of our forgotten authentic self, which feels the loss of theother but doesn't compound this with the pain of our missingself.
*Note: If you would like to know your true self, free of ego and pain-body, my Namaste Publishing bookYour Forgotten Self is proving eye-opening and deeply comforting and encouraging to many who are reading it.
Why We Associate Pain with Relationships - The Little Prince Series
By: David Robert Ord
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