Your Dating Destiny - 3 Signs You Are A Defensive Dater

Have you ever been accused of being hard to get close to

? How about being too independent? Of course, it is great to be a strong woman, but sometimes it can be taken too far. Men may perceive you as having a huge wall built around your heart. It may seem that you expect a man to be able to break through it, climb over it, or blow it up to get to you!

Understandably, many men give up before they get to the good stuff you have inside. If this sounds familiar, read on and discover how to let go of your "Defensive Tactics."

Defensive Sign 1: Always Wanting More Space

Defensive daters feel smothered by too much time, attention or affection from their beau. They are afraid of getting sucked up into a relationship, losing themselves and their freedom. They often end up pushing their partners away by asking for more time alone.

Take Charge of Your Dating Destiny: If you have heard this complaint from more than one partner, there may be some truth to it. Using the excuse of "needing more space" may be a way to avoid real intimacy or problem solving in a relationship.

While you may always crave more space than your partner, you can learn to compromise in order that both partner's needs are met. Ask your partner what type of time and activity is most important to him. Then ask him for the time you need to be apart. Together, you can arrange a schedule that works for the both of you.

Defensive Sign 2: Pulling Back to Avoid Getting Rejected

Above all, Defensive Daters are afraid of getting hurt, so they often hide inside a "shell" to protect themselves. You would never know they were vulnerable. It may even seem like they just do not care. This can make it seem that every time you get to the point of being close, you often withdraw or even break up. It just does not seem worth the risk- better to be alone than to be hurt.

Take Charge of Your Dating Destiny: To win in love, you must stay in the game. Become aware of when you instinctively pull back, then make a different choice. Choose to stay in the moment and weather the discomfort. Share your feelings instead of clamming up, stay in the room instead of leaving and problem solve instead of giving up.

Defensive Sign 3: Having Trouble Trusting and Relying on Others

Defensive Daters believe in taking care of themselves first. It makes them feel too vulnerable to ask for help, so they hardly do it. They do not share private information easily and you must earn their trust before they let you in.

Take Charge of Your Dating Destiny: Realize that even strong, independent people deserve some support sometimes. Open up and share your problems with your partner instead of carrying the entire burden yourself. Practice asking for help for small tasks such as a ride to the airport, a small errand or help around the house. When you start to dismantle your own walls, there will be a much greater opportunity for a wonderful guy to enter your life and he will even feel comfortable enough to stay!

by: Tony Edwards

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