Your Wife's Low Libido Does Not Mean That She Won't Cheat
Your Wife's Low Libido Does Not Mean That She Won't Cheat
There is a common misconception about what it means for a woman to have a low libido. The problem stems from a misunderstanding of what libido is.
Libido is a measure of a woman's desire to have sex at any given time. This level of desire is not fixed. It is not static. Your wife's level of sexual desire can change from one day to the next, or even one moment to the next. More importantly, it can change depending on who she is considering as a sexual partner.
Many people think that the female libido is driven entirely by hormones. Hormones do play a role, however, there is much more to it. A large part of what causes a woman to feel sexual is the emotional response that she feels to a particular man. If she is in the presence of a masculine man who makes her feel excited and attracted, then she will respond by becoming sexually aroused. If a man does not cause her to feel excited and attracted, then she will not get aroused, regardless of what her hormone levels are.
When you understand that libido is a combination of both physical and emotional criteria, a lot of confusing female behaviour suddenly becomes understandable:
- How can a woman can have a very high libido early in a relationship, and then lose it over time?
- How can a woman can have low sexual desire within her marriage, and then get in an affair that involves frequent sex?
The obvious answer to both questions is that the level of sexual attraction is different. In scenario number one the woman has lost her sexual attraction toward her husband over time. In scenario two the woman has a much stronger sexual attraction for her lover than she has for her husband. In fact, most affairs occur because a woman has first lost sexual attraction for her husband, and then found another man who excites her in a way that her husband does not.
What can a husband do to prevent this? What can he do to restore or maintain his wife's sexual attraction so that she has no need to go outside of the marriage?
The first step is to stop feeling like a victim and recognize the role you played in killing your wife's sexual desire. I have spoken to many men over the past few years who were confused about their wife's declining libido. She used to be very sexual and now she is not. Did having kids kill her libido? Is the pill to blame? Was I duped? Maybe her libido was low all along and she was just faking sexual attraction long enough to snare me in a marriage.
While any of the above could be contributing to sexual issues in your marriage, they do not address the other half of the sexual equation. It takes two to tango, and it takes two to create sexual attraction. Many men in sexless marriages like to think that they are innocent victims of a cruel cosmic joke. They feel that they made a mistake by marrying a woman with a low libido and now they are doomed to enjoy only a trickle of sex for the rest of their married lives.
For most men, this is not true. They are not victims. Life is not playing a cruel trick on them. Their wives are perfectly capable of being sexually aroused if the conditions are right. If these men want to have a happy sexual marriage, they need to stop complaining and start working to create sexual desire in their wives.
There are three primary variables that influence whether or not a woman will feel sexual desire. They are sexual attraction, sexual tension and opportunity.
Sexual attraction is the gut level emotional response that your wife feels toward you as a man. If you are a strong, confident, masculine man who has a plan for his life and is working toward his goals with purpose and decisiveness then odds are that you will get a strong score in sexual attraction. Nature designed your wife to respond powerfully to such a man.
Sexual tension describes the level of seduction that is occurring in your marriage. If you are romantic, and assertive and, are actively planning fun activities for you are your wife, then you will probably get a good score in this area.
Opportunity is somewhat self explanatory. Your wife needs to feel that she has time and energy available for sex in order to get aroused.
Most marriage councillors will address the issues of sexual tension and opportunity. They will advise clients to do fun things together, and make time for sex. That only covers 2/3 of the problem. The last variable, sexual attraction, is one that the man must take care of on his own. No one can tell your wife to be more sexually attracted to you. It will only happen if you become more sexually attractive.
It is beyond the scope of this article to tell you exactly what you must do to become more sexually attractive to your wife. This is a non-trivial subject. However, if you visit my web site below, you will find a wealth of resources that address this very subject in great depth. The program that I promote on my site was designed to help men improve their masculine attractiveness and create sexual tension in their marriage.
I will close with a summary of the important points from this article. Your wife's libido is not static. It changes in response to the men who pass through her life. If your wife's level of sexual attraction for you is low at the present time then you have some work to do. You need to address the levels of sexual attraction, sexual tension and opportunity for sex that are present in your relationship. If you become a confident, masculine man who is willing to work to build sexual tension in his marriage, then your wife will respond by becoming more sexual with you.
www.savemysexlessmarriage.com
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