"Conversation With Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski"

"Conversation With Rabbi Dr

"Conversation With Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski"

The following essay was made possible by the kindness and generosity of Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski, founder and medical director emeritus of Gateway Rehabilitation Center, prolific author of more than sixty books, weekly columnist of "Seeking Solutions" in Hamodia Magazine and acclaimed expert in matters of addiction.

"Making Arrangements"

The origins of this piece were rather humble. I had been thinking about contacting Rabbi Twerski through a mutual friend but decided against it in favor of a more direct approach. So I wrote a letter of introduction to Rabbi Twerski on Facebook, hoping for the best.

Two days passed. Though I was still hopeful he would respond via Facebook, thoughts of "Oh well, Rabbi Twersky is, after all, a very busy man" began chipping away at my confidence.

It was while working at home that my phone rang, a number I did not recognize. So, as is my practice, I let it go to voice message: "Hello Alan, this is Dr. Twerski responding to your email. Call me at (123) 456-7890."

Well, after I picked myself up off the floor, I hurriedly replayed the message and managed to miscopy the number Rabbi Twerski had left. I called the same wrong number twice.

"Something is amiss here," I thought, worriedly. Anxious to respond promptly, I listened to his message again. "Oh my G-d!" The (7) I had written was a (0). Go figure. I finally dialed the right number and left another message. He called me back later that same evening.

Rabbi Twerski's tight schedule precluded a face to face interview as I had anticipated. Happily, I was prepared with an alternative.

"Rabbi, may I send you a series of questions to answer around which I'd construct an essay, an 'email interview' if you will."

"Sounds fine with me." Then suddenly, just as we were about ready to hang up, my phone went dead. I hastened to email and call him back, leaving another voice message. (Just in case you're wondering, I'm not always this neurotic.)

The difference between an email interview and one held face to face is obvious but nonetheless important: missing from the email interview is the richness of the interviewee's body language, his facial expressiveness, his eyes from which one sees the reflection of the fire that fuels the passion of people who work for "The Ribono Shel Olam (The Master of the World)."

With all arrangements finalized, I breathed a big sigh of relief and set out to work on my questions grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

I fashioned my questions covering a wide spectrum, from the cosmological to the everyday.

I received his answers later that same day.

Well, I don't mind telling you I was "pretty darn" excited that such an acclaimed rabbi, noted psychiatrist and prolific author-who wrote in one of his responses that: "I write every chance I get"-should find the "chance" to write to me.

"My Format"

I have selected four of Rabbi Twerski's seven responses on which to focus for two reasons: 1) they interest me more than the others and 2) I found his remarks helpful in clarifying my own thoughts.

As needed, I have used material from Rabbi Twerski's website: www.abrahamtwerski.com that I encourage my readers to visit.

1. "The Gift of Speech"

2. "The Language of Bereavement"

3. "Origins of Life"

4. "On the Meaning of Happiness"

Man is a "medaber", a speaking creature, who alone has been gifted with speech of a sort unlike that of any of His other creatures. Even among those species often cited for their higher native intelligence, it remains true their most capable representative cannot formulate a cooperative plan with his fellow, write a letter, read a book or for that matter, conduct an interview.

Like mathematics, speech is neither inherently good nor bad. It can be used to build a bridge or blow one up. Its effect on human action depends on the mouth from which it comes. As we're all aware, human speech is not a force for good in every instance.

Did not G-d confound Man's speech as a punishment for his attempt to construct the Tower of Babel (from which we derive the word "babble") to lay siege to heaven? Can you imagine, the "chutzpah"?

Rabbi Twerski, however, takes this notion of "Man" as "medaber", a speaking creature, one step further.

"The uniqueness of man is not just that he has a more sophisticated form of speech, but that he can elevate it to holiness. By using his speech properly, by not speaking foolishly, by avoiding defamatory speech and carrying tales, man can sanctify his speech. This is something that animals cannot do, and it is this ability to sanctify speech that merits the designation 'medaber'."

In other words, that which distinguishes human speech from other animal sounds is that Man directs his divine gift of speech in a message with which to thank his Maker.

We call this sort of speech "prayer" which, by its nature, reflects the reciprocity of the "Creator/created" relationship-in which G-d both hears and responds to our supplications. Were our god always unresponsive or incapable of response, we'd not be worshipping G-d but practicing "avodah zara", idolatry.

Although our relationship to G-d is that of a "slave" to his master made manifest through the mitzvah of tefilin, it is precisely within the sacred space Man shares with G-d that their personal relationship begins.

It is entirely unlike the relationship between master and slave which characterized chattel slavery in the United States prior to the Civil War which Rabbi Twerski characterizes as a system in which "slaves had no inalienable rights (a small detail that President Jefferson failed to mention in the Declaration of Independence) and are obligated to follow the master's orders. Slaves have only duties. Slaves do not have rights."

An important personal concern over these past ten years since the death of my son Benjamin on November 22, 2000 continues to be the delicate language of mourning and grief. So I asked Rabbi Twerski what he thought one shouldn't say to a bereaved parent.

"The Talmud says to be silent until the bereaved person speaks", thereby setting the tone for the "shiva", the first seven days of mourning. Adding that "Listening is helpful" when many folks (who want to do the right thing) find themselves at a loss for words, Rabbi Twerski reminds us to keep in mind that: "Genuine caring is sharing".

My own experience demonstrates the truthfulness of "caring is sharing" although it took me some time before I realized how my withdrawal from synagogue life was not only not making me any happier but was deepening the well of grief due to my self-imposed isolation.

Had it not been for a handful of my dear friends who refused to let go and, in so doing, gave me enough space within which to come to terms with my grief at my own pace, I would surely have drowned in a sea of self-pity.

Often times words are just not enough. Many folks want to help the bereaved but are unsure about what to say; these would be consolers may instead turn to deeds of loving kindness with which to express themselves.

Anyone who has ever lost a loved one, especially a child, knows that both emotional support and physical closeness of friends and family are essential for the bereaved parent to climb out of the deep and dark well of unmanaged grief.

There are few truisms as often quoted for their wisdom as "one never really appreciates all that he has until he loses it irretrievably".

Staring into the face of death, having to say "goodbye" to son or daughter-no matter how many or few their days-leads some sufferers to the contemplation of "beginnings" ... origins, the origins of life.

The bereaved are drawn to this place because they feel they'll discover the shadow of G-d behind the veil of "beginnings".

I asked Rabbi Twerski whether he felt "G-d had withheld from Man the capability to fathom certain primal problems. For example, can "Man" understand the mechanism whereby chemistry became biology, how inanimateness became life?

"In "Faith & Fossils", Rabbi Twerski began, "Prof. Aviezer cites a physicist who said that the possibility of a simple bacteria developing from inanimate material is a mathematical absurdity."

If indeed that is true, it may lead us toward the conclusion that there is a Creator who did not "issue a pass' to Man to enter this restricted area, never intending for him to be able to crack the divine code. "What good then," I wondered, "does it do Man by continuing to explore?"

"The origin of life is beyond human comprehension," but Rabbi continued on to say that "we should use our intelligence to understand whatever is within our ability."

Can you imagine the consequences for mankind were scientists to throw up their hands in frustration: "Oh to Hell it with it all" and throw in the towel simply because they hadn't yet put the entire puzzle together, and perhaps might never be able to do so?

I won't but mention the on-going debate between those who dabble in the cosmological ether of godless cynicism and those who argue in favor of The Creator who created Man "on the sixth day" but stopped short of giving him all of the keys.

We distinguish between Man's "journey" and "destination" and, no matter how unreachable he may think his destination is, that alone does not excuse him from undertaking the journey.

What has any of this to do with attaining happiness?

Clarity in communication depends upon definition because we know that different people often understand the same word differently.

"People think of happiness as being content, without worries (that befits a cow)," Rabbi Twerski began, as if to say that-if one were sated, having been fed, milked as it were and, generally speaking, well cared for by another-this is the ideal state of happiness toward which Man should strive.

Nothing could be further from the truth, Rabbi Twerski asserts, any more than the "joyous experience" induced by cocaine can correctly define "happiness".

"I believe that true happiness is self-fulfillment, when a person strives to become everything he can be," a notion that implies limitations Man must accept lest he come to overestimate his importance and forget that as high as he thinks the pinnacle is upon which he sits, even the most everyday of clouds floats higher than he.

When he has gone as far as the road permits without blaming the map from which he navigated his route can he only then be happy, without defining his limits as failures.

"The wisest thing a person can do," which will allow him to attain happiness "is to build a firm bond with G-d."

Only then will he be able to assert along with the ancient prophets of Israel: "Blessed is the man who trusts in HaShem so that HaShem is his security."

Alan D. Busch

alandbusch@aol.com

03/01/11

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