"How can I tell the truth for all of the lies?"
"How can I tell the truth for all of the lies
?"
By Susie and Otto Collins
"I can't believe that Ray is such a liar!" Kelly thinks to herself.
Yet again, Kelly has uncovered another one of Ray's lies. She's been stumbling upon "little" falsifications about him and what he claims since they started dating.
They've always been relatively harmless lies that relate to preserving Ray's ego. Kelly sometimes feels sorry for him when she notices he's lied about his educational background, his job earnings or even how many times a week he goes to the gym.
To Kelly, Ray is like a self-conscious little boy sometimes. He's often trying to make himself look better than he actually is.
This is how Kelly USED to view Ray's lying. But now, his lying is tiresome and confusing. She literally does not know what to believe.
She recently discovered that Ray was engaged to another woman and that he is still friendly with her over the internet. Kelly is beginning to wonder how broken up he and this ex-fiance actually are.
There's probably not a single person alive who hasn't said something that was slightly untrue-- or even a lot untrue.
Lying can take the form of exaggeration, only telling part of the truth and outright misinformation. Sometimes a person will lie to preserve his or her ego and reputation and sometimes to avoid getting into trouble.
Attempting to hide an affair through deceit is another form of lying.
When you are aware that your partner has a habit of lying-- even if it's "only" about the so-called little things-- you might find yourself questioning the truth of what he or she is saying when it comes to the big stuff.
Like your relationship and your agreement to be faithful to one another.
Ask yourself what you CAN believe.
If you are torn up inside wondering if you can believe anything that your partner says, take some time to sort through your feelings and thoughts.
Sit down and explore what you know for sure to be true.
How frequently do you catch your mate in lies? How often do you find out that what he or she claims to be, just isn't?
Conversely, how common is it for you to recognize that your partner did speak truthfully? Maybe you come upon some proof that he or she did have to work late or did go to lunch with a particular friend.
It is really important for you to see both the lies AND the times when he or she told the truth.
This will provide you with more clarity about your mate and your relationship.
The body language never lies.
We've all heard about body language. These are the subtle clues about how a person is feeling inside that may be quite different than what he or she is saying.
The person who is talking about how excited she is to take a new job when, in fact, her shoulders are drooping, her fists closed tightly and her brow is wrinkled. Her body is quite possibly indicating that she is not as eager about this job as she claims to be.
Unfortunately, body language varies from person to person.
For some people, not looking another person in the eye, is just their normal way of interacting. It doesn't necessarily indicate lying.
For others, avoiding eye contact is a clue that the person is lying.
In order to truly learn from your mate's body language, you need to pay attention to how he or she stands, sits, makes eye contact (or not), speaks or stays silent when telling the truth.
For instance, if your partner is talking about something very mundane, make note of his or her body language. Now, you have a baseline from which you can compare future body language clues.
Even though Kelly feels triggered and upset when she asks Ray about his ex-fiance and the fact that he actually was once engaged, she remembers to breathe. She also remembers to watch his body language.
She has been paying attention to his usual body language when not talking about a charged topic such as this one, so Kelly knows his truth-telling clues.
As they talk, she listens to his words, but she also watches his body. The way that he fidgets, paces the room and speaks more quickly than usual, signal to Kelly that there quite possibly could be something he's not being truthful about.
Please remember, even if your partner seems to be giving you all kinds of body language clues that he or she is lying, there could be some other reason for this reaction. Use body language as one indicator of possible lying.
Be sure to follow up and gather more information that you can use to make a final decision about whether or not you can believe what you are being told.
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