"I'm staying in this miserable marriage to protect my kids."
"I'm staying in this miserable marriage to protect my kids."
By Susie and Otto Collins
Jackie has decided to sacrifice her own happiness for the sake of her 3 children. She had to go through her parents' divorce as a child. The last thing she wants for her kids is for them to feel torn between parents and maybe even pitted against one or the other.
Because Jackie had such a painful experience as a child with her parents' divorce, she would rather stay in her own miserable marriage and spare her kids the agony.
You may have made a similar decision. Even if you didn't grow up having to deal with divorced parents, perhaps you have seen what divorce seems to do to kids and you have chosen to protect them and preserve their happiness.
But will staying with your spouse really guarantee your children's well-being and contentment?
While there is no doubt that children are certainly affected by their parents' divorce and it can be sad and painful for them, there are also negative effects for those whose parents stay in miserable marriages.
Unfortunately, there is rarely an easy answer.
It is understandable that a parent would want to protect his or her children by setting aside fulfillment and happiness for their sake.
But it's not the only way...
Your children can be healthy, happy and well-adjusted-- even if you do decide that it's time for you to leave this marriage.
Ask yourself these questions to gain more clarity about whether to stay or to go...
Is it really a better life for my kids if I remain in this marriage that is tense and loveless?
Is it possible that my kids could be okay, even if my spouse and I split up?
What is the cost if I stay in this marriage just for the sake of my kids?
Are my hesitations for leaving my marriage just about protecting the kids or something else too?
What else is causing me to stay in this unhappy marriage?
How could I be a different partner to my spouse if my marriage were to improve?
What steps might we take as a couple to save our marriage?
Do I really want to save this marriage?
Give yourself time and space to answer these questions completely and from the heart. Use your responses to decide what your next step will be.