"Wow - Is This What I Am"

"Wow - Is This What I Am"

"Wow - Is This What I Am"

That moment of gut felt identification, casually cast your way by a chance remark or some deliberately sought after revelation, irrevocably changes how you experience yourself. That incredible moment of disclosure can liberate you from personal identifications that felt mildly out of align to downright suffocating. Within the powerful illumination of awareness you can now wonder in awe, "Wow is this what I am"

In my case, an alcoholic overeating pantheist who never really wanted to get married was much better than being a misfit looser nutcase, of curvy proportions who didn't believe in god but knew she wasn't an atheist. Not knowing I was an alcoholic, overeating pantheist who didn't ever really want to get married is why I always read and talked to people about the mystery of why we do what we do. Why do we behave, think and feel the way we do when often it leads us to make spectacularly crappy choices.

My ignorance has often known no bounds and particularly my younger years were not marked by the matured curiosity that compels me today to pick up an idea and like the child with the toy that pulls it apart to see how it works, look at its underlying assumptions.

"Why, why, why" is the lament of the mind that does not necessarily want to know or know how to formulate a resourceful question. Rather than why consider how, when or even what questions and try and answer them.

What beliefs had me drinking when clearly it was destroying me? What addictive processes were being triggered in my brain that would have me walk past the Sara Lee cheesecakes in my local supermarket and have me pretend I could buy one and make it last longer than that very same day? What was it about my Grandfathers refusal to go to church in a social time that left him a frowned upon outcast, that appealed to me even as a little girl? What made me cringe at the introduction my wife' when I was married? Thankfully, there are some incredible minds that intelligently and willingly articulate our deeply personal and by its nature often isolating, dilemmas of self especially if they run against the social tide.

Thanks to modern methods of delivery, our access to information that connects us to to the profound gift of personal identification is widely accessible. As we utilize this available genius let us develop our own available genius and start to become a scientist of the self and encourage our self acceptance with personal observations leaving out the need to make right or wrong judgements, instead make judgements on resourcefulness.

Does it matter what you are? Maybe it doesn't, maybe the value doesn't come from fitting to the fickle demands of what we think we should be but instead figuring out what we are so we can live comfortably in our own skins, whatever that means for you. Enjoy yourself;your acceptance can make you the best company you ever keep.

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