"'cuz It Was Made By Nasa": Best Mattress Sales Pitches
In the hierarchy of sales, those selling in retail mattress stores are at the bottom of the heap
. They are useful for only two things: being subjects of compulsive lying experiments, and providing a good laugh to onlookers on idle Sunday afternoons.
Here's a rundown of the best mattress sales pitches I've heard from in-person sales people at major mattress retailers, all of whom were eager to "help me."
1. "Tempur-Pedic is expensive 'cuz it was made by NASA" - really? And let me guess - the only thing that makes you feel more weightless than the complete weightlessness of space is lying on this mattress that you're trying to sell me.
2. "It's made from polyurethra" - Next time your manager tells you it's "polyurethane" make sure you write it on the back of your hand.
3. "It's our best mattress, but a lot of people return it" - maybe to save your breath you should put a warning label on your product: "May be so comfortable you'll need to return it for a full refund."
4. "It only says it's cheaper in other stores because that's what's on the price tag" - huh? Looks like I'm dealing with a master of the bamboozler-pitch.
5. "We can't budge on price - but it does come with a 42 inch LCD TV" - speaks for itself.
6. "Tempur-Pedic is our most comfortable mattress, though personally I sleep on a different mattress because it's more comfortable" - Ha ha. Brilliant
Buyer beware
The most content buyers do their homework and shop around before spending their money on a half-baked sales pitch. The true irony is that people selling mattresses generally don't know anymore than the people they're selling to. At the best of times they simply repeat to consumers what their managers have told them; anything else is most likely fiction.