subject: "no. No. No." - What Are Parents Teaching Their Children When They Use The Word "no" Too Much? [print this page] It's so easy with busy lifestyles to correct our children with the word "no" while seeing something we don't like they are doing out the corner of our eyes. Parents of today usually have read books about being a parent and some have taken classes which allows them in many way to be more aware of what children "should" and "should not" be doing. The safety precautions about toys, furniture, plastics, paint, and everything in between that is known about today makes many parents consciously or subconsciously overly protective. Parents want to keep their children safe so the word "no" is used more frequently sometimes due to worry and fear.
Even though we may understand why parents are using "no" so often, it does not change the implications it can have on our children. Obviously there are guidelines that must be adhered to and dangers to be avoided, so the word "no" has to be learned at a young age. However, when the word is over-used the strong meaning wears thin in a child's eyes. It's not a positive thing when our children hear the word and do not react as quickly as they should especially when the parent is saying it in a dangerous situation.
Using "no" too much also starts children as seeing some of life as off limits. These thoughts are more negative than positive and put the child in the frame of mind of not trying new things. These children can grow up a little sheltered, as some may call it. Children cannot learn the correct way or understand why what they are doing is wrong when just the word "no" is used. When responses include an explanation, a child can learn a lesson. There are more positive ways of expressing behavior that is disliked but not dangerous such as, "Mommy would prefer you do it like this" (while showing the child the correct or more preferred way). Another example is "we don't do that in the house, but we can do that outside."
It's a fine line between giving your children the guidance necessary while teaching them the importance of learning the word "no" and saying it too frequently. The best advice is to start using the word with babies and toddlers so they learn what the word means, but to also try to use more positive statements when deterring unwanted behaviors and activities. We don't want our children to not experience life and feel as though they cannot try new things. Positive feedback is a great way to get your point across, teach your child a lesson, and avoid the over-used word.
