subject: Don't Disappoint Grandma Today! [print this page] I have always found it a bit ridiculous when I hear parents threaten their children with something they know they have no intention of doing. You might ask what are you talking about. For instance, when my son was probably around the age of three or four, he was in the backseat of the car carrying on about something. My husband in all his authority told my son that if he didn't stop doing what he was doing he would turn the car around and go back home! Well, that wouldn't have happened. I looked at my husband and said you better mean what you say. The reason we were in the car in the first place was we were going to Grandma's house for a birthday party for one of his cousins. Now do you really think my husband meant what he said? No!
This is not unusual, So many parents fall into this trap. Sooner or later, the kids figure out that mommy or daddy really didn't mean what they said. Now that they know this they have the upper hand. Children are smart don't let there be any doubt in that.
If a child has any indication that you won't follow through on what you say it creates doubt and uncertainty in a child's world. A child needs to have the feeling of security in their world. The reason I say it creates doubt and uncertainty is because if they figure out you don't mean what you say in regard to some things, but you do mean what you say in other situations, they never know when to believe you. This is not a good thing to let happen.
It really gets out of hand when kids get older as they have discovered how to push more of your buttons to get what they want. And this will lead to out of control kids, which you didn't even see coming.
Now my husband really knew in his heart that he would not turn the car around and go home. I knew it, and my son knew it, because no one wants to disappoint Grandma. What my husband could have done was given him something he knew he would follow through on. An example would be, if you don't stop doing that I will pull the car over until you do what I say. And do just that. If my son chose to continue carrying on, then my husband could pull over, stop the car and show that he meant what he said. If that would have happened, then he could explain that it will only take us more time to get to Grandma's house. That of itself would be incentive for him to stop.
In order for children to feel secure in our love for them we really need to say what we mean. We need them to know our yes's mean yes, and our no's mean no. When children know their boundaries they feel safe, secure and loved.
